Ramblings of a Night-Shift Nurse

New blog....

2008-08-15T14:52:00.001-06:00

Okay, the address for the new blog is:

www.gorgeousborgesfamily.blogspot.com

There will be honeymoon pictures and stories soon posted on that blog so stay tuned!

Pictures

2008-08-09T06:46:00.002-06:00

Alright, I'm only going to do the double-post thing for awhile... everyone remember to switch to the new blog!

Alright, there are about a million pictures from the wedding to post, so I'm just going to give y'all the link...
www.visualimprint.com/annieandsteve

Thank you to everyone who shared in our special day!

Executive Decision

2008-07-31T02:58:00.002-06:00

Alright friendly neighborhood readers... the countdown is on, not only for the wedding but for (drum roll please) a new blog! Starting now I'm going to be working on a new blog for both Steve and I, not that he'll ever update, but just so we can fit in with the "family bloggers". I'm going to start posting a few things now, but mostly it'll be after the wedding. I'll let you know for sure when I'm going to stop this blog.

Time goes by...

2008-07-30T04:37:00.002-06:00

Then and Now

20 years ago...
I was 3. I was having fun being a big sister, going to preschool, and hanging out with my buddies at Delcie's house. I was a big fan of Sesame Street as well.

10 years ago...
I was 13. Most of the time I was hanging out with Steph and Shauntel. I was getting ready to start 8th grade, and was enjoying helping my mom get her first classroom at Meadowmoor Elementary put together.

5 years ago...
I was 18 and just getting ready to start my first semester of college. I'd just started going to the student ward and was making lots of new friends. I was working at Bed Bath and Beyond and loving it.

3 years ago...
I was 20. I'd just moved into my first apartment with roommates and was sharing a bedroom the size of a shoebox with Lizzy. I was working as a CNA on the rehab unit at Dixie Regional and getting ready to start nursing school.

1 year ago...
I was 22. I had just moved home from St. George and was looking for places to buy with my cousin Greg. I was working as an RN at the Rehab Unit at LDS hospital doing night shifts. I was settling back into life in Salt Lake quite nicely.

Yesterday...
I was attempting to sleep through the parking lot construction so I could come to work tonight.

Quick Update

2008-07-25T22:01:00.002-06:00

Well, I have a few minutes at work, so I thought I'd update everyone since I probably won't have much time in the weeks to come.

The wedding is now about 10 days away. I can hardly believe that. When we first got engaged we thought 4 months was going to take forever, and now we can't believe it's here. We've been wrapping up loose ends to finally be ready. My mom will be out of town all next week, so we wanted to have pretty much everything done before she left. At this point if we make it throught the day, everyone looks relatively good, and no one ends up hurt or dead I'll be happy. We might even come in under-budget to, which is pretty much the biggest miracle of all.

Last week my bridesmaids made an executive decision and changed the bridesmaid skirts. I told them as long as they matched I didn't care what they ended up wearing. The skirts are a good change, though, exactly what I was looking for 3 months ago and couldn't find. Now we've hit the wall of trying to find a cute cream-colored top to go with them. Too bad white looks funny, cause we had some cute shirts before. Anyway, I know every bride says this, but I really did want to give them something they could wear again, not just another bridesmaid dress. I think with these skirts they'll be able to do that. Really, who doesn't love polka dots?

I've finally settled into the apartment for the most part, now I'm just waiting for Steve to start bringing his stuff over so we can get him settled in as well. He needs to be out of his place by the end of the month, so he'd better get a move on! I know he'll get it done, I just hate to see him stress out about it at the last minute.

Also, I'm thinking that after the wedding I may pull a blog-swap and make us a family blog instead of just me. I'll keep you posted on whether that's actually going to happen or not.

And now, pictures of a few things I love this week:

One is the loneliest number!

2008-07-23T02:11:00.002-06:00

You only get one word per answer... no explanations, either. Enjoy!
1. Where is your cell phone? .................... pocket
2. Your significant other?....................... sleeping
3. Your hair?.................................... dirty
4. Your mother? ................................. amazing
5. Your father?.................................. best
6. Your favorite thing?.......................... Steve
7. Your dream last night?........................ work
8. Your favorite drink........................... water
9. Your dream/goal?.............................. motherhood
10. The room you're in?.......................... work
11. Your ex?..................................... Dad
12. Your fear?................................... alone
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years........... mom
14. Where were you last night?................... home
15. What you're not?............................. ready
16. Muffins...................................... tasty
17. One of your wish list items?................. pots
18. Where you grew up?........................... Utah
20. What are you wearing?........................ scrubs
21. Your TV?..................................... cheap
22. Your pets?................................... dead
23. Your computer? .............................. internet
24. Your life?................................... crazy
25. Your mood?................................... meh
26. Missing someone?............................. always
27. Your car?.................................... mess
28. Something you're not wearing?................ earrings
29. Favorite Store?.............................. torrid
30. Your summer?................................. busy
31. Your favorite color?......................... pink
32. Last time you laughed........................ tonight
33. Last time you cried?.........................sunday

In less than a month...

2008-07-16T00:41:00.003-06:00

Well, we are officially 20 days from The Big One. 20 days... that's less than three weeks. Holy canolli!

I moved into our new place yesterday. I spent most of today (well, Tuesday, it's still today to me) decorating and making our house a home. We still don't have cupboard doors, they come in a week, but I've got some decorations up, things put in cabinets, etc. I haven't hung any pictures yet, but I'll probably do that this weekend. My neighbors will LOVE that. I love, Love, LOVE our kitchen. It's big enough for both of us to be in there doing things at the same time. There is probably triple the counter space from my last place. The kitchen was really the deciding factor for me in getting this place.

The saga of today is that for some reason Questar turned our gas off instead of turning it on. This means no pilot light in the water heater, which means no hot water. Without hot water I can't do dishes, I can't do laundry, and I can't shower. No bueno. I'm going to call them in the morning and hopefully get it straightened out.

We have a lovely spare bedroom that will (hopefully soon) have a futon of some sort in it, so we can have people come stay with us. We're pretty excited about that. For now it's got the computer desk (which will most likely become craft central since we both use laptops), my keyboard, my primping station (our bathroom is tiny, I had to put it somewhere!), and lots of empty boxes. Mostly we're just grateful to have lots of storage space.

And, miracle of miracles, we get tv in this house! Hooray! In my last place we were supposed to get cable but my tv would never pick it up. In the new place I had no problem getting channels galore. It's a lovely thing to know I won't have to watch back episodes of my favorites (Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy, Psych, and Chuck) online anymore... if I'm not working I can watch it from the comfort of my own couch. I'm also pretty excited about the papa-san chair we're getting from Nik and Lena. We've actually got the space for it!

So, that is the apartment-to-home transformation update. I can't believe that in less than a month I won't be living there alone anymore. I'll be a Mrs., have a husband, and be sharing my bed, my life, and so much more.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

Memory

2008-07-12T06:51:00.000-06:00

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

2008-07-05T01:01:00.001-06:00

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Pedigree - Draw family tree

My Mosaic

2008-07-02T00:31:00.002-06:00

So, this is a fun little project I found on a friends blog. You can check it out here: http://www.naturallymeg.blogspot.com/. I like it, thought the mosaic I made described me, and wanted to share.

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...

2008-06-18T04:58:00.002-06:00

Well, my summer is quickly cranking along. Steve and I have been doing more house shopping. We made an offer on a place last week, but it went under contract the day before we could get to it. I looked at several more today and we've found a few that we're going to try for. Definitely exciting times.

We were also able to spend the weekend at one of my favorite places in the whole world, Panguitch Lake. I've been going to the lake every summer for about 15 years now, so it was really special to be able to take Steve this year. He got to meet my whole crazy family, experience playing with the kids (he was awesome, and my little cousins LOVED him!), and experience some of the best fishing ever. We were only able to fish Monday morning cause we didn't arrive til late Saturday night, but we had some good times on the boat with my brother Zach and his best friend Kellen. We sang some songs for the fish (I swear they like it and we catch more), gave tributes to Bill and Shirley (the God of Panguitch lake and Poseiden's brother, and the fickle Goddess of the Panguitch winds), and lost some pop-gear. All in all a good morning's fishin'. Also, on Sunday my awesome little brother was ordained as an Elder at the Panguitch Lake Branch. It was a great experience for all involved, and we were drafted by the branch president to, as a family, give the whole Father's Day sacrament meeting next year. I guess it's a good thing we've got some talent.

We also got our engagment pictures done last weekend. I recieved the proofs today and they look pretty good. Some are better than others, but there's definitely some useable ones. Steve, of course, hates them and says he looks forced. I think he looks as handsome as ever. If you're interested you can check them out here: http://www.visualimprint.com/annicka. Please, let me know which ones you like best. I won't be able to decide on my own. Also, we're quickly getting close to the time where I'll send out announcements, so if you would like one and you haven't yet sent me your address, please do so.

Oh, and I decided to go without a veil. I found a really beautiful (okay, 4 really beautiful) brooches on ebay that will be easy to convert to hair clips. I happened to win all of my auctions, so I may use the extra brooches to make some hair clips for my awesome bridesmaids. Other than that nothing new is going on. Just trekking through one day at a time. Hope everyone else is doing well and having a fantastically rainy June.

To Veil or Not to Veil...

2008-06-06T23:40:00.009-06:00

Alright, fair readers, the time has come for your input on my wedding (via my blog). I've been having a bit of stress lately deciding on what to do with my hair. Part of me wants to be a bit more traditional and do the classic updo with a veil. And then there's a part of me that wants to nix the veil and put a cute accessory in my hair.

Now, for the veiled side of the argument:

I have great hair for an updo... longish, dark, and naturally curly. My grandma would be making my veil for me, which would be a nice thing to pass on as a family heirloom someday. If I choose a veil I'd like for it to look something like this:

Medium length, two layers, pearl studded, and on a comb. I'd do my hair up in a higher style and attach the veil underneath. Very simple.

And for the naked side of things:

If I decide to go sans veil things will be quite a bit different, I realize that this style is much more contemporary, casual, and less traditional. I'd do my hair in a simpler style, it'd still be up, but it'd be more on the nape of my neck and less elaborate. I'd also accessorize with some sort of flower, comb, or combination of the two like these:

So, please, give me your input, ideas, suggestions, or just plain commentary. I look forward to hearing from you!

Where do liars go?

2008-06-04T00:45:00.002-06:00

I'm too A.D.D. for long car rides. I need tos tart packing myself an activities bag anytime I take one and I'm not driving. (Note to self: buy some coloring books, crayons, books on cd, etc)

Steve and I took our first real "road trip" together this past weekend. A friend of his got married in Idaho Falls on Saturday, so we hopped in the car and drove the 3.5 hours to get there. He drove, I controlled the iPod and talked his ear off about stupid stuff. We got to the wedding, jumped out of the car, and promptly realized that we didn't have jackets... and it was cold. So, we ate some meat off the pig they'd roasted, hugged the bride, shook hands with the groom, shivered our way through the wedding video, and turned around and got back in the car.

A few points of interest about Idaho: We waved to the families of Toffer and Cy as we drove through Pocatello. We decided never to live in Idaho, but we will someday return to explore the wonders that are to behold at the Blackfoot Potato Museum. A whole museum dedicated to my favorite food, what could be better?!

Anyway, we decided to stay the night in Smithfield with Steve's best friend Jared, and his wife Brittany. We made the trek back by way of Preston (quite the detour, let me tell you), but got to see Jared's new store there. It's very cool and I recommend checking it out if you're ever in Preston. It's a new/used/scratch & dent store right next to the DI. I was gifted with the best dish scrubbers EVER, we checked out Jared's piles of junk still needing to be sorted, and then we jumped back in the car for more driving fun. We arrived safely at the lovely Jorgensen trailer-home, and got comfy for the night. After kicking everyone's trash at Skip-bo I decided I was ready to crash. So, we turned in for the night with high hopes for small town church the next day.

Sunday dawned a lovely morning... except for the fact that the air mattress I was asleep on had deflated in the night and I was now lying on the hard cold floor with achey hips. Not to worry, however, because my lovely fiance soon came in to wake me up because it was time for breakfast. Since Brittany is pregnant she can't fast and was kind enough to make breakfast for the whole clan of us. There's always next Sunday to fast, right?

A short while later we attended the Smithfield first ward and I got to go to Primary with Brittany. It was a joyous experience all around. I love small town church! We heard some random testimonies in sacrament meeting, and then returned to the lovely Jorgie abode for some dinner.

All in all it was a lovely weekend and great to spend so much time with Steve. We're headed on many more adventures in the next few weeks, so I'm sure I'll have more stories to follow!

It's a good thing I don't own a gun...

2008-05-23T01:48:00.004-06:00

Well, it's been awhile since I've updated anything blog-wise, so I figure I'll throw one down with the highlights of the past few weeks...

Wedding stuff: Nothing new here, really. I'm still trying to decide what to do for cake and invitations. One of the few requests Steve had for the wedding was that we have chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, if possible. Since my colors are coral and brown this shouldn't be a problem. As for invitations, my sister has graciously put together a few prototypes for me and I think we're going to make them (in all of our spare time). We changed the fabric for the bridesmaid skirts... again. We finally settled on a semi-satin-y fabric. It's kind of creamy khaki colored with white bullseye style polka dots. It sounds goofy, I know, but it's really cute and will allow my bridesmaids to choose their shirts in a whole range of options.

Work stuff: Work is good, we're dropping patients again which means I've floated to other floors lately. Everyone else has had bad experiences with a certain floor, but they treated me really well. I would float there again.

Other stuff: About a month ago a bird took up residence in my wall. Without my knowledge (it wasn't like I could ask, after all) it built a nest and laid some eggs. So, what started out as one bird in my wall, annoying but I could live with it, has turned into a family of them. Let's just say it's a good thing I don't own a gun or we'd have a whole bunch of dead birds on our hands. It took me three weeks to get in touch with anyone from the HOA, and when I finally did the dude told me he'd put me on a list of things that needed to be taken care of. Now, if I were any other person, the birds wouldn't be a problem because they sleep at night and are awake during the day. Unfortunately, I work night shifts, which means opposite schedules for me and the family of winged creatures in my wall. I hate being kicked out of my own bed by unwelcome and unwanted guests.

In other news, Steve and I bought bicycles this week. We went for a ride the other night, and even though I hadn't ridden one in probably a decade I jumped on and started pedaling away. I guess when they say "it's just like riding a bike" they aren't kidding... My plan is to eventually be in good enough shape to ride to and from work. The way gas prices are looking I think it'll save me some money... plus I could use the exercise. Speaking of exercise... some coworkers and I are doing weight watchers together. I'm pretty excited, it's time to get rid of the pounds I put on during nursing school. We've also started a team here called Naughty Night Nurses. If anyone else would like to join please feel free, even if you're not a naughty night nurse.

I've got a few bridal showers planned in the near future in various places throughout the state, so if you'd like an invite to one please let me know. St. George on June 28th, one in my parents neighborhood July 9th, and possibly a few others.

Steve and I have been house shopping and we've come across a few that we're interested in. Once our loan application is completed and approved we're going to make some offers. I hope we get a cute little place to start our lives together.

I can't think of any other updates for now, so I'll leave you all in peace (wait, you came here to read this...)

Bridezilla

2008-05-03T15:52:00.008-06:00

I'm really, really trying not to be a bridezilla... and I think I'm doing a pretty good job of it. With a wedding 4 months and 2 days away I have almost everything planned already. A big sealing room at the temple is reserved, the reception center is booked, menu is decided upon, dress bought, photographer chosen and booked, flowers arranged, fabric chosen for bridesmaid skirts, etc. About the only things I have left to do are: order the cake, help find ties for the men involved, okay the mom dresses, make and send out invites, make a music mix for my iPod, and wait until August 5th. All in all, not too shabby.

I just want to give a special thanks to my mom and my sister, Maddie, for being so patient with me through these last few weeks and for helping with all the plans. You guys have been awesome and your support has made all the difference in the world.

And now, a few links for those interested:

The dress (obviously, mine is white)
The reception center
The bridesmaid skirt fabric
The bridesmaid skirt pattern (It's the middle one)
The photographer
The shoes

Hooray for weddings!

VIP

2008-04-26T08:03:00.004-06:00

I saw this on another blog and thought it would be fun to do one for myself. This is an all-about-me in the format of an elementary school VIP poster- including pictures where the students would put them. Oh, and it might be because I've been up all night, but the thought of being the VIP made me think of a song my mom used to sing. Weird. Anyway:

All About Me

I am 23 years old.

My favorite color is pink.

My favorite animal is the giraffe.

My favorite food is potatoes.

This is what I look like:

My Family...:
Home is my favorite place.

When I grow up I want to be a mom:

My favorite thing to do is be with Steve:

If I had one wish I would wish for everyone I know to be happy:

Five

2008-04-09T05:24:00.002-06:00

I stole this from Lena... thought it would be appropriate to fill out at 5 in the morning. :)

5 years ago I was ... getting ready to graduate high school, still trying to decide where to do my first semester of college, singing with the a'cappella choir, finishing up my cna license, and working 3 jobs.

5 months ago I was ... still waiting for Steve to figure out how amazing I am, working on decorating a house, settling in at the new hospital post-move, reading tons of books, and making my Christmas list

5 hours ago I was ... turning patients, checking a blood sugar, settling someone into bed, taking vitals, and deciding what to eat for dinner

5 minutes ago I was ... listening to someone talk about how he eloped, getting a warm blanket, eating chex mix, copying this survey, and trying to stay awake

5 things on my 'to do' list today: pick up Mac, library, grocery store, call the seamstress, and cook dinner

5 recent pieces of mail I've received: wedding announcement, gas bill, zoo party invite, t-ville news, victoria's secret catalog

5 of my bad habits: nail biting, swearing, gum popping, cracking my knuckles, and sarcasm

5 good memories: slurpees with Ally, the night Steve proposed, receiving my endowment, anything with my sister, long talks with my mom

5 films I watch over and over again: Princess Bride, Grease, 7 Brides for 7 Brothers, Transporter, Transformers

5 places I've lived: Creek Road, Sandy, Saint George, Taylorsville, and Murray

5 songs I love: Question (Old 97's), Habanera (Kate Nash), Hotel Song (Regina Spekter), Don't Move (Butch Walker), Cigarette Lighter Love Song (Butch Walker)

5 jobs I've had: Janitor, Piano Teacher, Wedding Server, CNA, RN

5 things most people don't know about me: I can't whistle, I can say the alphabet backward, I make a really good monkey face, I once had my belly button pierced, I am now the proud owner of a wedding dress

5 things in my virtual shopping bags: Tungsten wedding band for Steve, Hot shoes for the wedding, some digital prints I just sent to walgreens, a super cute dress, some new make up

5 books I love to death: The twilight series, Agnes and the Hitman, The Book of Mormon (I'm counting the series as the three books it actually is)

5 things that are out of place around my house: Some dishes in the sink, some shoes on my floor, a cup on the coffee table, a blanket on the living room floor, and my second set of sheets (they're in the dryer)

5 films I want to see: Definitely, maybe; Kung Fu Panda; the original Italian Job; Indiana Jones; Wall E

5 things I love to eat: Ice cream, steak, baked potatoes, homemade stuffing, brocolli

5 destinations I'm dying to see: New York City, D.C., Portugal, Africa, South America

5 scents I love: Steve, my laundry detergent, fresh cut grass, rain, pot roast

5 people (who are not blood relations or in-laws) who have had a positive impact on my life: Ally, Steve, Bishop Decker, The Brighton Babes (I'm counting you all as 1 person), Lauren

Developments

2008-04-05T19:50:00.004-06:00

Well, I have a lot to say and not sure how to say it. I could play a mean joke and tell you all that we broke up, but I won't do that cause I'm just so happy. :)

Steve was acting a little weird yesterday about making plans for last night. He went to priesthood with my dad and brother and then went out to dinner with them. He wanted to take me to dinner but my mom talked him into going with the boys so he could be part of the family tradition. After he got back he told me that he wanted to go take a walk on temple square or at a park somewhere, so despite it being freaking cold we trekked it up to temple square.

We were walking around and he told me that he wanted to show me his favorite spot on temple square. So, we walked over and sat on a bench. I, of course, had to ruin the moment by complaining that my bum was frozen cause the bench was cold. Before I could get up and walk away, though, he dropped down to one knee and pulled out the ring box. He opened it up and before he could even get any words out I burst into tears. I think he got a little emotional too, but I was so mesmerized by the sparkle that I'm not sure. He looked me in the eyes and said, "Annicka, I love you. I want to spend eternity with you. Will you be my wife?"

I, of course, said yes.

And now, my lovely readers, some pictures...

A few more pictures...

2008-03-28T16:45:00.002-06:00

Steve is very against having pictures taken of him, so I'm slowly gathering them over time. Here are a few more taken at the last Sweater Friends concert.

Hopefully more to follow soon!

Extra, extra, read all about it!

2008-03-28T00:49:00.004-06:00

Alright, so it's been a little while since I've done a real update, I hope you all haven't been bored in my absence. ;)

Things are going exceptionally well here. Work is good, my family is good, and I'm still looking at going back to school this fall. I do, however, have some news. Prepare yourself, friends, this is pretty big...

Steve and I have been ring shopping. I think we've got it narrowed down to a few that we both love, and from here the choice is all his. Yeah, we're moving fast, but when it's this right you don't waste time. (Plus he's not getting any younger, he'll be 29 in August). We've discussed it and we both feel very strongly about tying the knot before my brother leaves on his mission, which will be sometime this fall, so look for a real engagment announcement sometime soon.

Hope everyone is doing well! Love you all!

The Big 50

2008-03-19T01:03:00.002-06:00

Well, I've seen this done on a few other blogs and I'm going to attempt it here. This is my 50th blog post (my, how time flies when you're having fun) and I'm going to tell you all 50 things about me. You may know them already, you may not, you might not care at all. But, for your reading pleasure, here they are:

1. I have the greatest job ever. Seriously, I meet some great people and I love watching them heal and go home.

2. Peppermint tea makes me happy. Really happy.

3. My new favorite online cartoon is www.ponandzi.com. Seriously, those little emo dudes are so cute.

4. I love being in love.

5. I want to travel. I have a goal to visit as many countries in the world as possible.

6. I am SO excited to be a mom. I see cute babies and little kids at the store and other places and they always make me smile.

7. Music makes the world go 'round. I truly believe this with all my heart.

8. I am completely addicted to shoes. I love them. "Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit."

9. I am trying to quit drinking soda. So far, so good.

10. I have a think for polka dots. I think they are so flippin' cute.

11. I haven't seen my natural hair color since high school.

12. I think that every girl should get a bikini wax at least once in her life.

13. I believe in monthly pedicures. When my feet look and feel good, so do I.

14. Victoria's Secret makes the best bras ever. I won't wear anything else.

15. My favorite color is pink.

16. I think crocs are the most comfortable shoes ever... Ugly as sin, but so comfy.

17. I love to read. A lot.

18. I once had my belly button pierced. It was uncomfortable to wear denim.

19. I have a strange affinity for station wagons. I love 'em.

20. I think it's time for dinner.

21. I did some intense shopping today. It freaked me out a little.

22. Ikea is amazing. If you haven't been you need to go.

23. I've lost 30 pounds in the last 6 months. I've got about 30 more to go.

24. I check out peoples' veins in the grocery store. It's a nurse thing.

25. I have the greatest family every. Seriously. They're the best.

26. I don't like real diamonds. I think it's ridiculous to pay that amount of money for a rock.

27. Doctors annoy me.

28. I would really like to be asleep right now.

29. I think spooning is fantastic. Everyone should experience it regularly.

30. My favorite food is potatoes. I love those little buggers.

31. I've only ever had one patient die on me. It was a very spiritual experience.

32. I like treasure hunting at the D.I.

33. I have a weird thing about people touching my neck. It makes me all shivery.

34. I believe that holding hands is one of the fastest ways to feel connected to someone.

35. If I had a super power I'd want to be able to fly. Think of the money you'd save!

36. I'm a jean snob. I'll only wear Gap.

37. I'm a list-maker. I have all kinds of lists.

38. Most of my lists live in a Jessica Rabbit journal.

39. I think animal prints are hot.

40. Tomatoes make me gag. It's a texture thing.

41. I love it when my boyfriend calls me Babe.

42. I have expensive taste but bargain shopping has been bred into me. I love finding a good deal.

43. The next car I buy will probably be a Subaru.

44. I bruise easily.

45. I love candid photography. People make the best faces when they think no one's looking.

46. I won't take any drug stronger than ibuprofen. I hate feeling out of control, even just a little bit.

47. I text Google on a regular basis.

48. I can't go a whole day without talking to Steve.

49. My legally blind coworker is sitting next to me and has no idea I'm writing about him. He also rides a motorcycle which scares the hell out of me. Blind people should not ride motorcycles.

50. I need a haircut.

Phew, I did it. It only took me 3 hours and many, many breaks in the middle, but I listed 50 useless things about myself. Hooray!

Hope all is well with everyone. Life is good here.

Experimental Poetry

2008-03-14T06:53:00.003-06:00

Sitting together,

Talking about everything, and nothing all at once.

Equal in our opinions of the world.

Perhaps this is our future.

Here with you, I've found my home,

Even though we must say goodbye when

Night falls.

Remember, I will

Always love

You.

Before I knew you there were

Others, but none that

Really caught my eye.

Give me your hand,

Everything is perfect,

Simply wonderful.

This is a style of poetry I've tried before and thought I'd revisit. Mostly I just felt the need to post something. I guess that's what comes of being up all night...

Photographic Evidence

2008-03-11T10:53:00.003-06:00

It's sideways cause we were laying in the lovesac
Awww... kisses are the best!
Steve looking seductive and me looking goofy

I just wanted to take a moment and share a few pictures... you know, as photographic evidence.

The "L" Word

2008-03-06T21:45:00.002-07:00

"This is true love, you think this happens everyday?" ~Wesley in The Princess Bride

Well, my ever so devoted readers, I really don't have much to update you on, but I figured I'd give it a shot anyway.

On Sunday night he told me, for the first time, that he loves me. I haven't been able to stop smiling all week. Every time he tells me my heart does a little flip and I start smiling all over again. It's been a long time since I've been in love and I'd forgotten how good it feels. He finds little ways to tell me all the time, too. One of my favorite things is waking up to a text message that simply says, "Have a great day, I love you!"

My roommate is out of town this week and I was a little anxious about being home alone (I don't like staying in an empty house, it freaks me out a little). When I was talking to him about my anxieties he looked me in the eyes and said, "Babe, you really think I'd just let you stay here and worry? I'll be here with you on all your nights off until I have to go home and go to bed. Don't worry about anything." It made me feel safer just knowing that he wants to take care of me.

About a week ago we had a weird day. For some reason we both just felt weird about things and we weren't sure what was going on. He went to the temple and then we talked about things. We decided that everything happens for a reason and there's a reason we're together and we wanted to just take things one day at a time and see what happened. In the words of the movie Because I Said So, "We're just having an off day, and if we stay together I'm sure we'll have a few hundred more." Things are better now, don't worry. :)

He finds little ways to surprise me and make me smile. I love that.

So, that's about all the updating I can think of. I'll keep you all posted of things to come.

You asked, I'll tell...

2008-02-25T11:09:00.004-07:00

Well, I guess after my last somewhat cryptic blog an update is in order.

Greasemonkey and I went out on a date Friday night and, in case you didn't get it, he kissed me. It was incredible. He's easily the best kisser I've ever come across. When we were "just friends" he always told me that he wasn't interested in me because he didn't feel that "spark". I think he got more spark than he expected.

Saturday he had to go to a funeral in Newton (near Logan) and asked if I would go with him. He said he really felt like he needed me there with him. So, bright and early Saturday morning we left for Newton. We spent the day with his good friends Jared and Brittany (a married couple). The day went really well, and in the car on the way home we discussed our status, future, everything. We came to the conclusion that we're now officially together. So, my friends, for the first time in over 2 years I've got someone to call me Baby, someone to open car doors for me (he gets mad if I do it myself, even getting out of the car), someone to snuggle up with and watch Fiddler on the Roof (we have a thing for musicals, ok?), and someone who's not afraid to kiss me in public.

We spent a few hours together this morning before he went to work. We didn't even do anything exciting, just a little car shopping (for him, I'm happy with mine), and a few other errands. I was happy, though, because I was with him. He knows how I feel about the new 2008 Subaru Outback wagons, so he made it a point to take me to the Subaru dealership to "window shop". When we pulled into the dealership I asked him why we were there, he can't afford a new Subaru, and I'm happy with what I've got, and he said, "Sure, but we can look and dream, Babe." I melted a little. Then about 10 minutes after he dropped me off back at home I got a text from him telling me that he felt a little silly, but he missed me already. I teased him a little until he said, "I'm falling for you more everyday." I melted again.

I realize that we're still in the "honeymoon phase" of our relationship, and that things won't always stay like this. I hope, though, that my knees will always go a little weak when he kisses me, and that he'll continue to do little things that make me melt a little.

A Friday Night Story

2008-02-23T00:34:00.005-07:00

You'd better believe that sparks flew tonight...

Things are good.

2008-02-22T02:56:00.002-07:00

Things are going well... really well.

Maybe this week he'll finally kiss me.

Poetry in motion

2008-02-20T20:34:00.002-07:00

A poem I am stealing from the blog of Mr. B. (If you want to steal the format you can find it on his blog):

I am tall and amazing.
I wonder what the future holds.
I hear music when I walk.
I see stars in lovers' eyes.
I want utter and complete joy.
I am tall and amazing.

I pretend that I am confident.
I feel love for those around me.
I touch the hearts of patients.
I worry about being alone.
I cry daily.
I am tall and amazing.

I understand who I am inside.
I say what I feel.
I dream about the future.
I try to have hope.
I hope for love.
I am tall and amazing.

A girl can dream...

2008-02-20T02:11:00.006-07:00

So, I've had the future on my mind a lot lately (go figure on that one, eh?) and I've found a few of my "dreams" for the future. I'd like to share some of them with you.

My Dream House:

I've always wanted an old victorian and this one is perfect. I love the size, the angles, and the fact that it has 5 bedrooms. All in all, fantastic.

My dream cars (practical and impractical):

The Porsche is obviously my impractical dream car, the Subaru is actually attainable...

My dream ring:

The best part is: over 2 carats worth of stones and only $700. Man, I love fake diamonds!

My dream kitchen:

Simple, sunny, and gorgeous. I love it.

My dream jobs:

And until I can have that particular job, I'll take this one:

So, my friends, just a few of my hopes and dreams for the future. I guess I'll just wait and see which of them come to pass...

Wait and see

2008-02-13T16:07:00.003-07:00

This week I was inspired by an episode of Scrubs. Silly? Yes. But let me share what I learned...

I am not a "wait and see" person. Pretty much the moment I feel like I know what I need to do I jump right in and get 'er done. I don't beat around the bush over-thinking things, I don't sit around waiting for life to happen to me.

Well, when it comes to recent events in my life it has been incredibly hard for me to not just jump right in and act on what I feel like I need to do. I feel like I know what Heavenly Father has in store for me, I feel like I know what path I need to take, and I feel like I know what steps I need to take to get there. So, for the boy, we'll call him Greasemonkey, to be so unsure of what to do is frustrating to me. I realize I can't force him to see things the way I do, I know that I have to wait for him to draw his own conclusions from the incredible experience we had.

My issue with the whole experience is that I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, especially in the temple. There is no such thing as chance or coincidence. We pray, we receive answers, we act, and we are blessed. I feel like I know why this particular experience happened, but he's still not sure. He's so busy analyzing it looking for a deeper meaning that he's missing what's right there on the surface: we both went in praying about what to do with our respective love interests, we were asked to do sealings, kneeling across the altar from each other felt right, and we both got the feeling that the Lord was trying to tell us something. Granted, I was already several steps ahead of him by being interested in him.

He says he just doesn't feel that "spark" with me. Now, I have a theory on this matter... we're both very physically-oriented people. When it comes to the 5 love languages we are both very much "physical touch" people. We have yet to explore that aspect of our "relationship". We've never held hands, we've hugged maybe twice in the 4 months we've known each other, and we've definitely never kissed. We cuddle occasionally, but it's just not the same. My theory is that the "spark" is going to continue to be missing until we finally venture into the great unknown of kissing, etc. (And believe me, I want to!). I think Greasemonkey is always going to view me as just a friend until he makes an attempt to make me more than that.

So, herein lies the problem: he's a "wait and see" person. He feels like we should just continue on the way we've been going and see what develops. I want to act. And here, we've arrived at an impasse.

So I guess for the time being I'll wait and see, and maybe someday (hopefully sooner rather than later) he'll decide to cross over to my side of things and take some action. (And in the process give me some action ;) ).

Like Sands Through the Hourglass

2008-02-07T14:01:00.000-07:00

Wow, what an interesting few weeks it has been. So much has happened, and I have so much I feel the need to write about. The question is: Where do I start?

I guess I'll start with the biggest event of recent days... I went through the Salt Lake temple on Saturday and recieved my endowment. It was a very special day that I've been preparing for for a long time. It also just so happened to fall on the day of President Hinckley's funeral. I figure what better way is there to honor the "temple prophet" than to go to the temple on that day. It was a wonderful afternoon spent with family and friends, and I know that I will be blessed for keeping the covenants I made that day. I feel so blessed to be a member of a church that utilizes temples. It is so comforting for me to know that I have a place where I can go to be surrounded by the spirit, converse with my Heavenly Father, and recieve answers to prayers. On that note, I'll move on to the second big event of recent days...

I wanted to do another temple session soon after receiving my endowment, just so I could better focus on the whole process. Well, I decided that on Tuesday I would go do another session. A close male friend of mine offered to come with me since he had the day off work. Well, I happen to have a bit (okay a lot) of a thing for this particular friend, but he hasn't been reciprocating the feelings. Well, I went to the temple on Tuesday in fasting and prayer, specifically looking for an answer to whether I should continue to pursue something with him or not. Let me tell you, I got my answer loud and clear. I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, especially in the temple. There is no such thing as coincidence. Well, as soon as we walked in the door, the sweet little man scanning recommends asked us if we'd be willing to help out with sealings. We said we'd be glad to help, and went to get dressed. Obviously, the little wheels inside my head were turning at this point. I knew Heavenly Father was trying to tell me something, and I was going to do my best to pick up what he was throwing down. My friend and I went up to the sealing room and patiently waited our turn. The moment we knelt across the altar from each other it all fell together for me. I knew I had my answer.

Later, as we were walking back to his car to go run some errands he looked at me and said, "Well, that was about the strangest day at the temple I've ever had." Not having much to compare it to I asked him to elaborate. He smiled at me and said, "Do you think the Lord is trying to tell us something?" I laughed, and told him that I'd received the same message. We talked about it a little further, ran our errands, and moved on with our day. Well, last night we went out to dinner and spent some time together and we talked about it again. He's still not sure about what the Lord was trying to tell him... I'll wait patiently til he figures it out. :) If nothing else the whole experience strengthened my testimony that the Lord hears our prayers and answers them, not always in the way we expect.

Well, my friends, that's about all I can think of for now. Just know that life is good. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, and I can definitely see the Lord's hand in my life everyday. I will for sure keep you all posted on things to come. Know that I think of each of you daily and pray for you.

Much love, my friends!

Pushing through the dry spell...

2008-01-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

So, for the last little while my life has had a complete lack of any sort of physical relationship. Not gonna lie, kind of dying right now. So, instead of forgetting about it, here are a few quotes on the subject of kissing:

"If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt." ~ Thomas Carlyle

"A kiss without a hug is like a flower without the fragrance."

'"May I print a kiss on your lips?" I said,
And she nodded her full permission:
So we went to press and I rather guess
We printed a full edition.' ~John Lilientha

"Kissing is like drinking salted water. You drink, and your thirst increases." ~Chinese Proverb

"It takes a lot of experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner." ~Ladies Home Journal 1948

"A man's kiss is his signature." ~Mae West

"A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know." ~Mistinquette

"Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can't hold back."

" Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last." ~Remy De Gourmont

So, my friends... if you have someone to kiss, please do it.

Much love!

Secrets, secrets are no fun...

2008-01-25T02:08:00.000-07:00

I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd think I was living in a Nickelodeon teenage soap opera. My life has secret crushes, disease, disaster, friendship problems, make-outs that screw things up, and so much more... about the only thing I'm missing is a pregnant 16 year old named Jamie Lynne. Okay, so that might be taking it a little far.

There is a theory I've heard that bad things happen in threes: Natural disasters, death, personal issues, etc. This week will be the test on whether this particular theory holds true in my own life.

Bad Thing #1: The Dreaded Phone Call... I won't go into anymore detail than that, except that my life hasn't been the same since. I'll let you know if and when this particular issue resolves.

Bad Thing #2: The Ultimate Back-Burner Girl... Yes, this is my lot in life. Not only did I waste my entire vacation, but I came back home more stressed than when I left. A vacation shouldn't do that to you. Of course, someone you consider your best friend shouldn't do what he did, either. Sorry, I realize I'm being totally cryptic, but this all makes sense in my head. If you want more information let me know and I'll fill you in.

Bad Thing #3: The Suicide... I recieved word last night that a friend of mine in St. George killed herself this week after learning about her much younger husband's affair with a teenager. It just made me realize that life is short. She left behind three already somewhat screwed up kids, a family and friends that care about her, and what could've been the remainder of a great life. Maybe it's just me, and I realize this is going to sound harsh, but I have a hard time mustering up sympathy for someone who doesn't have better problem solving skills. My first reaction would've been to leave the lying, cheating, low-down bastard... not drive my car off a cliff. Maybe it's just me. Anyway, I know she can't read this where she is now, but Kolette, this is for you: I'm sorry you felt like you had nowhere else to turn. I hope you've found the peace you were so desperately seeking.

In other news, despite the recent piling up of stressful events, I'm surprisingly calm and at ease with my world. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, and I think it's because I've finally let go. I'm giving myself the opportunity to grow, change, and be happy by myself. Life is good, I really don't have much to complain about, and I feel a change in the winds.

Please, keep me in your prayers as I face the continuous mounting of challenges while Satan tests what I'm really made of.

Much love!

Growing pains

2008-01-20T01:16:00.000-07:00

He brings out the best in me.

He makes me laugh when I am down.
He gives me a shoulder to cry on when I can't hold back the tears.
He gives me "that look" out of the blue.
He always knows just what I need to hear, even when I don't want to hear it.
He treats me like a queen, even when I don't deserve it.
He always knows how to make me smile.
Even his bad habits don't annoy me.
He is a fantastic kisser.
Our hands just fit together.
He can take it as well as dish it out.
He'll rescue me when I'm in a bind.
He knows how to push my buttons to get what he wants.
He gives me a place to stay when I have nowhere to go.
He is my refuge from the storm.
He brings out my temper.
He has no idea how amazing I am.
He'll buy me dinner.
We make a great team.

He brings out the best in me, unfortunately he also brings out the worst in me. Maybe he'll realize what he had once it's gone.

Then again, maybe not.

Fear Not...

2008-01-19T17:32:00.000-07:00

Have you ever experienced that gut-clenching, heart-wrenching, complete, and total feeling of fear?

There are certain times in my life that I experience such terror. It takes a lot to ruffle my feathers, really it does, but there are certain things that scare me beyond all reason. A few of these things have been introduced into my life this past week and consequently I've been living in a state of constant fear for the last 7 days.

There are parts of me that think fear is a very selfish emotion, and yet it is one I can't help feeling. They say faith is the opposite of fear, and maybe I don't have enough faith, but I do not like being scared. Honestly, these are issues that I feel I need to deal with on my own, anyhow. They are very much of the physical world, and I feel would be trifling to anyone else. Don't get me wrong, I pray about them regularly, seek answers in the scriptures and other places, but at the same time feel as though these are things I need to just wait out.

There is something of a worrier in me by nature, and maybe this is my problem. I have quite the talent for turning molehills into mountains. Unfortunately, pessimism is a large part of my personality and I automatically have a tendency to think the worst. I've found that sometimes the only way to overcome this particular problem is to surround myself with those I love, pray for the best, and enjoy the parts of life that don't terrify me.

So, here I sit, in one of my favorite places in the whole world, my home away from home, surrounded by friends that I love and who love me, and I hope and pray for the best.

And yet again, I wait for the fear to subside.

Another year, come and gone...

2007-12-30T00:19:00.000-07:00

It's the middle of the night and I really should be in bed asleep, but for some strange reason I feel compelled to write. I have so many thoughts rattling around inside my head just waiting to get out. It's been a big year for me, so I'd like to take a few moments and share the highlights with you.

I spent most of this year learning how to be a grown up. It was a frightening, sometimes painful, and all around exhilarating experience. I experienced many things this year, some of them good, some of them bad. I lived, I loved, I laughed, I cried, I made life changing decisions, I made a few bad choices, I prayed, I lost myself, I found myself, and most of all: I discovered that I'm okay being who I am.

Not only was this a big year for emotional growth, but it was a huge year for "temporal" growth as well. I graduated from college, received my RN, bought a new car, bought a house, started a new job, and so many other things.

Now I'd like to take just a moment and steal an idea from my cousin/roommate Greg's blog and list 100 things that I loved this year:

My first pair of designer shoes
Having more than one place to call home
New best friends
Old best friends
Great roommates
Eliot, my car
Scrubs (the t.v. show)
Scrubs (the clothing item)
Reading the classics
Reading the occasional trashy romance novel
Lake Powell Vacations
Henna tattoos
The beach
Sweaters with fur on the hood
Getting something I've wanted for years
Pink feather boas
Super soft bathrobes
Monthly pedicures
Friends' blogs
Decorating
My new big bed
Soft sheets
Monkey
Keeping a journal
Blogging
My coworkers
Chick-flicks
Old jewelry
Homemade jewelry
Gerber daisies
Unexpected hugs
Talking til 4 in the morning
Textual Innuendo
Texting one person all day and not getting bored
Family parties
Zebra stripes
Polka dots
Having long hair
Dancing whenever, wherever
Being a rockstar in my car
Being the life of the party without even trying
Knowing I'm loved
Temple prep
Laptops
The ipod
Finding new bands I love
Finding new albums from bands I've loved for a long time
"Love you long time!"
When my friends have "Annicka Days"
Popcorn with extra butter
Tuesday night movies in Hurricane
Sunday dinner with my family (my Hurricane family and my Salt Lake family)
Spooning
Making up stories for unexplained bruises
Playing spoons at work
Going from dark, to blond, to redhead, and back to dark
Sunday crushes
Sunday crushes that turn out to be more than that
Reconnecting with old friends
Watching my friends find love
Searching for love
Utah football
Going to games with my family
Hockey game dates
Seeing my friends and family "find themselves"
Being happy
Laughing til my stomach hurts
Laughing til I can't breathe
Dinner parties
Ugly sweaters
Comfy pants
The lovesac
5 love languages
Other people's life stories
"Steven Tyler!"
Random road trips to Idaho
Black and white photography
The zoo
Giving good advice
Being a shoulder to cry on
Having a shoulder to cry on
Paint chips on the wall for 3 months
Wii
Facebook status updates
Myspace surveys
Being asked to take engagement photos for a friend
Lunch with the Brighton Babes
Cute boots
Ambient lighting
Transformers
Butch Walker
"California is raining, let's go to Mexico"
Underwear shopping
Ikea
Learning to cook
Watching it rain
"Yo' Momma!"
Giving strange anatomy lessons
Being "The New Girl"
Finally learning that I am a strong, proud, beautiful, independent daughter of God, and I am worth it!

I hope everyone had a fantastic 2007, and here's looking up your old address for 2008!

To love is the greatest gift of all

2007-12-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

A few thoughts on love...

From the novel A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers:
"'Love,' this English word: like other English words it has tense. 'Loved' or 'will love' or 'have loved.' All these specific tenses mean Love is time-limited thing. Not infinite. It only exist in particular period of time. In Chinese, Love is ai. It has no tense. No past and future. Love in Chinese means a being, a situation, a circumstance. Love is existence, holding past and future.
If our love existed in Chinese tense, then it will last for ever. It will be infinite."

"Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone."
- C.S. Lewis

"Love—is anterior to Life—
Posterior—to Death—
Initial of Creation, and
The Exponent of Earth—"
- Emily Dickinson

"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
- Henry David Thoreau

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
-Ingrid Bergman (This quote is a personal favorite)

"In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person."
- Margaret Anderson

"Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...
You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-Rose Walker (This is for anyone who's ever had their heart broken.)

And now a few thoughts of my own:
Without love we are nothing. When a human is deprived of the giving and receiving of love it stunts their physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional growth. It is necessary to human survival. To love, and to be loved, is the greatest opportunity in this world and the world to come. Don't take that opportunity for granted.

Nurse Annie Strikes Again

2007-12-26T16:19:00.000-07:00

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately on the subject of why I became a nurse. It's been on my mind quite a lot and then I received an anonymous comment on my last blog that really got the wheels turning. The comment went as follows:

Dear Annabelle,

I stumbled upon your blog while sifting through a google search and I wanted to ask you for some advice, if it isnt too much trouble. I love to read, write, and travel but I have been considering joining the field of nursing. Being a nurse, what drew you into the field what direction do you plan to take your career?

Dear anonymous- This is for you:

I've wanted to be a nurse for as long as I can remember. As a child I didn't really know any nurses, but my grandmother was a retired nurse. Like any other child I went through various job-desire phases, but nursing is always what I returned to.

In high school, despite being more drawn to history/english/music classes I took the courses I would need to help me get a good jump on getting into nursing school. Like you, I love to read, write, and travel. For me, however, those were always more hobbies and interests than job options. I felt like if I pursued and english-oriented field I would lose my love for and desire to pursue the subject.

In all honesty, however, my love of reading and writing was my salvation in nursing school. Despite the hands-on qualities of the profession nursing school was made up of a lot of paper writing and textbook reading. This definitely worked to my advantage, however, since those areas are my fortes.

As for the travel aspect, there are lots of travel options available in nursing. There are many travel agencies that are always looking for RN's to join their agency. This is a prospect I have looked into somewhat. Generally they require 2 years of floor nursing experience. The great thing about travel nursing is that generally you work a 36-hour week made up of three 12-hour shifts a week. This leaves a lot of free time for exploring wherever it is that you've been sent to work.

As far as future career options go: I'd really like to be a stay-at-home mom. The flexibility of nursing will allow me to stay at home with my kids (once I finally have some) during the week and work a few night shifts to keep my benefits. It is the ideal profession to work around having a family. This is actually one of the main reasons I chose nursing, in the end.

So, my dear Anonymous, there you have it: my life story as told through the eyes of a nurse. I truly love my profession, love the fact that I get to help people everyday, love that I only work 3 nights a week and I get full-time hours, and I love that it allows me to support myself. Nursing truly is my passion, and I hope I've helped you, if even just a little, to find yours.

Simply having a wonderful Christmastime...

2007-12-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas to my few blog followers! What a day, week, and really, entire month it has been. I have been so busy, but loving every minute of it. My entire family is home for the holiday, and I love that. It's so great to have all four kids, both parents, and even the dog under one roof for a few days. I realize that I only live about 5 minutes from my parents house (hey, it's still my own place!), but I spent last night and will be spending tonight at home for the holidays. So what if I'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor of my little sister's bedroom. We never had to share a room when we didn't get along, so why shouldn't we share one now that we do.

The most exciting update (for me, anyway) is that I'm writing this blog post from my very own, brand new laptop. I'm totally stoked to now be able to update you all from my bed. That's right, my bed. Thank you parents, Aunt Mary, and Santa for making this personal dream of mine a reality. (Joking about the personal dream, not joking about the laptop)

Second update: I had a FANTASTIC time last weekend when the crew came up to visit from St. George. Despite spending all day Saturday tossing up the contents of my stomach, I still had a great time. I love spending time with them, and it was so good to see them and feel like part of a group again. They are some of my most favorite people in the world and spending a weekend with them was just what I needed. It was quite an eventful weekend, so I'll spare you the details, but just know that if you want an... interesting... insight into my current state of affairs you are more than welcome to ask for more details. I'll just leave it at the fact that it was a GREAT weekend.

Third item of note: I brought a boy to my family's Christmas Eve bash (insert shock and awe here). A good friend of mine really didn't have anywhere to go for Christmas Eve, despite having family here in town, so he came to my family's party to eat and hang out and have a good time. He was a big hit. The little ones loved him (he's going to be a great dad someday, and I fell for him just a little further at that point), my parents adore him (my mom wants him to wise up and marry me), and I have quite the crush on him myself. We've been out on a few dates, he celebrates Christmas with my family, we can talk about anything for hours, and he makes it a point to see me several times a week... sounds almost like we're dating. Maybe someone should clue him in... (it won't be me. I'm forward, but not that forward). Such is the story of my life, once again I'm the cool chick friend. He'll figure out how amazing I am one of these days.

Well, that's enough updates from the home front. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! I love you all, and miss those of you I haven't seen lately. Best wishes for the New Year!

Much love!

On my mind...

2007-12-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

I'd like to take a moment to expound upon to mystery of a bridesmaid dress. Who made the decision that they need to be shiny? Inevitably somebody's somewhat overweight cousin/ sister/ friend/ girl- you- don't- really- know- but- your- real- maid- of- honor- shattered- her- pelvis- line- dancing (and that's not to say Julia Roberts is overweight, I think she looks fantastic in that movie) gets squeezed into some sort of shimmering tube in which she is expected to wait hand and foot upon the bride. It think this is a huge oversight on the part of wedding planners everywhere. I mean, really, I know you want to bride to shine, it's her day, she shouldn't be overshadowed, blahblahblah, but you think that when the bride and groom look back on their wedding pictures in 10, 20, 50 years you don't want them to go, "Oh, honey, what were we thinking? That chubby bridesmaid looks like Miss Piggy in that dress!" And if the dress isn't shiny it has some sort of awful pattern that looks like it came off the discount rack at K-Mart, not that I have anything against the discount rack at K-Mart. I just think that a wedding is something for which you should make an attempt at class. (As I side note, I apologize for the somewhat harsh tone of the above paragraph. I've been catching up on my gofugyourself reading and may have adopted the authors' style.)

I think child leashes are unneccesary. Unless your kid is a hyper-hypo, like Phillip, then I say go for it.

So I was talking to my mom this week about a coworker of hers, in her early thirties, who constantly laments the fact that she's not married. She feels as though she's being punished for something, etc. I, personally, take issue with this attitude a bit. I think that marriage isn't a reward or a punishment for anything, and it will happen when it's supposed to. I feel like until she changes this attitude about herself she won't ever get married. Desperation is not attractive... in anyone. Anyway, my mom was talking to her about it and said to her, in reference to me, "You know, I have a very independent daughter who may never get married, and that's okay. She has a career, she and a cousin bought a house, and her life is good. She doesn't let being single define who she is, it's just a state of being. And you know, if she does ever get married it'll probably be to someone who's been married before, probably someone with a few kids." Well thank you, mom, for the vote of confidence in my ability to be insta-mommy, but you really think I may never get married? A little disheartening when your mom has lost some hope in you before you even hit 23.

Tonight is my Ugly Sweater Christmas Party. I couldn't be more excited. Lots of my friends in ugly sweaters. Christmastime doesn't get better than that.

Today is the day! Finally! After months of planning, waiting, and being super excited it's finally here. The day my friends from St. George come to spend the weekend. (Okay, so there might be an interesting boy involved as well...maybe I should put the mistletoe to good use.) An update to follow later, probably in a few days.

Much love, and Merry Christmas to all!

I'm it? Apparently...

2007-12-11T18:01:00.000-07:00

I got tagged, so here it is, kids:

What I was doing 10 years ago: Let's see, 10 years ago I would've been 12, almost 13. I thought I was so grown up! I was probably begging my mom to let me wear make up, acting like I was better than my younger siblings, and helping take care of the then 9 month old baby that was McKay. I would've been in 7th grade, so I probably thought I was pretty cool to be out of elementary school at that time.

What I was doing 5 years ago: Hmm...I would've been 17, almost 18, and in my senior year of High School. I was singing with the A'cappella choir and December was a busy month for us, so I was participating in a lot of performances. At this point in time I was also finishing up all of my scholarship applications, and trying to have some fun amongst all the senior year craziness.

One year ago: One year ago I was living in St. George and just getting ready to start my last semester of nursing school. This was also about the time that I decided I would be moving back up north after I graduated. At the time I didn't feel like I had many friends to keep me in St. George. I was working as an LPN at the hospital in St. George, and really itching to graduate.

Yesterday: Hmmm, yesterday was Monday...I slept til about 1 or 2 since I worked all night sunday night. Then I did a little shopping (for myself, I needed boots), ate dinner at my parents house, did a little Christmas shopping, and then just sort of hung out til bedtime. I know, I lead a very exciting life.

5 snacks I enjoy: Ice cream, pickles, tortilla chips, fruit snacks, leftovers.

5 things I would do if I had $100 Million: Build my dream house, pay off my car, invest, and take care of any debt that my family has. This includes the future educations of my siblings, and my brothers' missions.

5 places I would run away to: San Diego, Italy, Hurricane, Ogden (it's where my best friend lives, don't judge.), or Brighton

5 TV shows I like: Scrubs, CSI, Sex and the City, That 70s Show, Law and Order SVU

5 things I hate doing: Being Cold, eating tomatoes, feeling guilty, being alone for extended periods of time, planning parties that no one comes to

5 biggest joys of the moment: My family, my friends (especially the ones coming to visit this weekend!), my job, my photography, and my house!

I'm supposed to tag 5 people, but I don't think 5 people read my blog...so if you want to do this go ahead.

Feeling better

2007-12-10T01:48:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the truly depressing tone of my last post. I've really been struggling lately with feelings of acceptance, blahblahblah. I'm feeling much better now.

I spent some time this week with some good girlfriends. We went to dinner, and then went and saw Stardust. It was fantastic! I love that movie. It was also so great to spend some time with the girls. For the first time in awhile I felt accepted, wanted, and like people wanted to be around me. Granted, I had to plan the little get-together, but it was still so much fun and so nice to get out of the house. We also made some plans for future activites, a girl's night, and some other things. It feels good to have friends in my same city again.

I've also started to catch the Christmas spirit a little more. My shopping is mostly done, which is good. That makes me feel like I can focus a little more on what the season is really about. I love driving down the street and seeing houses all lit up, snowmen, and Christmas trees in windows. I love coming home to a house that smells like Christmas. Greg and I finally got our tree decorated (okay, Greg decorated the tree) and our house is all decked out. It looks awesome! I love walking in from a snowstorm to a house that's warm, cozy, Christmasy, and smells good. There are few things in this world that are better than that.

I'm also excited for this coming weekend. One of my favorite people in the whole entire world is coming to stay the weekend with me (yes, it's a boy). I've been looking forward to this visit for months and I haven't seen him since July. This is far too long, let me tell you. He, and probably a few other friends, are going to come stay with me for a few days. While they are here we are throwing an Ugly Sweater Christmas Party (everyone's invited, come play!), going to see the lights on temple square, and just having an all around good time. Okay, part of me wants to catch him under the mistletoe, too. I can't help it...

I had a long talk with a friend this week about marriage, dating, relationships, etc. It really made me feel better. She had a lot of very insightful things to say to me and really seemed to understand my feelings, apprehensions, and wishes on the subject. I feel much better and much more at ease about the whole situation.

Anyway, that's about all I have to update on at the moment. I hope everyone is having a fantastic holiday season. Love you all!

So Unsettled

2007-12-01T16:40:00.000-07:00

Something in my life isn't quite right, I don't know what it is. Lately I've just felt "off".

I've been overly emotional. The smallest things will set me off, I cry over nothing, I laugh too hard at things that aren't funny, and I'm even more easily annoyed than normal. Despite being overly emotional, however, I feel completely apathetic and lackluster about making any change.

Temporally, things are good. The condo is great, as is living with Greg. I much prefer living with a guy than living with girls. The utter lack of drama and backstabbing is such a relief. My job, while not my dream job, is perfectly fine for the time being. My family is good, and I love spending time with them. Being around them is about the only time I feel "normal" anymore. Maybe that's why I spend so much time at their house. I have friends, and while we don't hang out every night, I feel that my social life is picking up.

Spiritually I feel okay, too. I'm doing better about doing the basics: reading scriptures, praying, building a relationship with my Heavenly Father, preparing to go to the temple, etc. I feel closer to my Savior and my Father in Heaven than I have in a long time. I feel His hand in my life, guiding me in my choices and trials daily.

It's Christmastime, which I love. I love the selfless and giving spirit of the Christmas season. It's one of the few times that I feel like everyone is thinking about someone other than themselves. I love everything that comes with the season, except snow and crowds. I love the food, the decorations, the giving of gifts, the time spent with family, all of it. I love it that our Savior is thought about, talked about, and studied more at this time of year than any other.

Despite all of this, I'm lonely. There, I said it. I spend a lot of time by myself, and I get lonely. Working the night shift I'm home all day, every day. This is a lot of time without other human contact. Not only am I lonely in that way, I'm lonely for a relationship. I got thinking about it the other night and I realized that it's been 2 years since my last relationship. I've dated other guys in that 2 years, but no one exclusively. I miss the things that come with having a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm ready to settle down by any means, but it'd be nice to have someone there. Someone to cuddle up next to and watch a movie. Someone to just sit with and be in the moment. I miss having my hand held. I miss good-night kisses. I miss an arm around my shoulders in church or at the movies. I even miss taking someone home to meet my family. I'm finally in a place in my life where I'm ready for a relationship and I'm all alone.

How's that for irony?

Inspired by...Oprah?

2007-11-22T00:53:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday my mom and I were watching Oprah, which is unusual in and of itself since we never watch Oprah. It happened to be her "favorite things" show. That, coupled with a blog from my good friend Paris, and this Thanksgiving holiday inspired me to take a few minutes and list for you some of my favorite things and some of the things I'm most grateful for.

First and foremost, I'm grateful for my parents. They are such an inspiration to me for how to live a good and full life. They are also such a fantastic example for me of what sort of marriage I want. They are so loving, kind, caring and giving. My dad is such a wonderful man with a great sense of humor and a big heart. His one main concern in life is taking care of his loved ones and he will do whatever he can to make sure that we are safe, protected, and well taken care of. My mom is such a great example to me of kindness and concern for others. She does whatever she can to make sure that those around her feel involved, loved, and cared for. She is a great example to me of how to be a good mom and how to balance all of the challenges life throws at her. Everyone says that they dread turning into their parents, but I look forward to maturing into mine.

Secondly I'm grateful for my siblings. Maddie is a fantastic example of perseverance, strength, and courage. She is hard working and fun to be around. I'm so glad that on top of being sisters, we are friends. Zach is such a good example of service and hard work. He is definitely following in Dad's footsteps of taking care of those around him. He is one of the greatest 18 year old kids I know. McKay is always having fun. He is my little buddy and I'm so glad that we get to spend so much time together now. I look forward to Wednesday afternoons when I get to pick him up from school and we get to hang out together for awhile. Our trips to the library have become some of my favorite times as well. I'm so blessed to have such great siblings.

Third I'm grateful for great friends. They are all so patient with me as I struggle through life's challenges, and they are all so willing to give me guidance, advice, and love as I need it. I'm especially grateful to Ally who has spent the last 10 years being there for me and helping me through tough times. She is the best best friend a girl could ask for and I'm so grateful she's a part of my life. I'm also especially grateful for Colt, who always knows what I need to hear and isn't afraid to say it to me even if I don't want to hear it. He's the first one in line to make me smile if I'm having a bad day, and he's also the first to offer a shoulder to cry on. I have so many other friends that I'm grateful for in their own ways, it would take me 17 and a half blog posts just to list them all. Thank you, to each of you, for everything you do for me. Know that it does not go unappreciated and that I pray for each of you daily. You are all, truly, the greatest friends a girl could ask for. Thanks for being who you are.

I'm also so grateful for my beautiful home. (That's not my house in the picture, but it's pretty close.) It's so nice to have a place to call home, where I can go for peace and quiet, where I feel safe, and that is (at least half) mine. While I'm on the subject I'm also grateful for my wonderful roommate and cousin Greg. He is such a fantastic roommate who lets me have my space, do my own thing, but is still available if I ever need anything. Thanks, Greg, for always being the presence in the other room. :)

I am also so grateful for the gospel in my life. Everyday I learn something new about myself and returning to my Heavenly Father. I am preparing myself to go to the temple and recieve my endowment (January, hopefully), and growing closer to Father in Heaven and my Savior everyday. I am so grateful for living prophets on the earth today, and for the counsel and guidance we recieve from them. I am grateful for inspired priesthood leaders. Mostly, I am grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered for my sins, died for me, and was resurrected for me. I am grateful for that sacrifice and that it gives me the potential to return to my eternal family and live with them again. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has a hand in my life and who cares about me and what I am doing, who guides me through life's choices and hard places. I am also so grateful for eternal marriage and eternal families and hope that I can start one of my own someday.

And now on to a few of my favorite things:

I love pedicures. It is my favorite way to pamper myself and I have one done at least once a month. I've become a bit of a snob about it, actually, I won't really even paint my own toenails anymore. The asian women I go see have the pedicure down to be the most relaxing half hour of my month. Purely fantastic, really. Plus, there are few things I enjoy as much as taking off my shoes after a hard night at work and seeing cute little daisies peeking up at me from my toenails. Sign me up for a pedicure any day!

The lovesac-esque bean bag in my living room. It is quickly becoming my favorite place in the house. Whether it's for a nap, to read a book, watching a movie, or just cuddling up next to someone (I wish), this little invention is fabulous! I think everyone needs one in their life.

This is my new favorite book. I'll be honest, I was somewhat skeptical going into it. I didn't think that every person could be put into one of five categories, but I've become a firm believer in this theory. I recommend that everyone read some version of The Five Love Languages. It will change the way you view yourself, the way you interact with others, and the way you make and build relationships of every kind. It has changed my interactions with coworkers, family, friends, and new acquaintances. It has also changed the way I look at and maintain romantic relationships. It helped me understand what I need to work on, what I crave, what I need, and what I should avoid. I've already put these teaching to work in my life and I've seen the effects. Truly life changing, my friends, go out and read it...soon.

As ugly as these shoes are they are one of the most amazing things I've ever found. As a nurse, I spend a lot of time on my feet. These shoes have helped eliminate back and foot aches, relieved sore muscles, and made my life all around more comfortable. If you don't have a pair, go get some. They may make your feet look like boats, but you honestly feel like you're walking on a cloud. So worth it.

This is my new best friend. I'm not even joking. My ipod, along with my skull-candy headphones, goes everywhere with me. I never leave home without it, and it holds my entire music library. Mine isn't just boring black like in this picture, it's got a cute pink cherry blossom skin, but this seriously is the greatest gadget ever. Now, I'm sort of mac-stupid. I don't really work so well with products made by Apple, but my iPod is so easy to use. It's fantastically amazing.

I'm 100% addicted, need I say more?

Cuddling... it's amazing.

Well, my friends, that's enough for one blog. Have a lovely Thanksgiving, and remember that I'm grateful for each and everyone of you.

Much love!

Reach out and touch someone

2007-11-16T04:29:00.000-07:00

I have a lot I want to say. There are several updates to give, a lot of stories to tell, and surprisingly some ventable feelings. The problem is that I'm not sure where to start.

I guess I'll start with my date. That's right, friends, I went on a date. Right up until he showed up on my doorstep I felt like I had about 14 butterflies dancing a tango in my belly. I had an excellent time, though. Not sure how he felt about things... Anyway, a brief synopsis of the evening: we missed all but one of the 8 goals scored in the hockey game because we were so busy talking, we practically got kicked out of the restaurant because we sat there talking so long, and then after deciding that he should probably take me home so he could get to bed at a decent hour we ended up talking in his car for almost another 2 hours. This lovely little car-chat had the potential to be quite romantic since it was raining outside, but unfortunately remained completely platonic. He walked me to my door, gave me an exceptionally good hug, and then we called it a night. All in all, as close to a successful date as I've had in a long time. If only he weren't such a great guy, I hate it when I fall unexpectedly.

The second thing that's been on my mind quite about lately is my spiritual welfare. I've recently made some decisions about some upcoming events, changes, and experiences, and in doing so I've realized that my spiritual growth and testimony aren't where they should be. In the pressures of day to day life I've, quite unfortunately, been leaving my Heavenly Father out in the cold. I've made a concious decision to change this part of my life for the better.

I feel as though some of my friendships have been suffering lately as well. This makes me sad, but at the same time it makes me wonder why I can't seem to keep a friendship alive. I know part of it is that I'm in a different place in my life than most of my friends. I'm done with school, I have a job that allows me a lot of free time, and I get lonely when I'm on my own so much. I just wish there was some way to combat the loneliness during the day.

At the suggestion of some people close to me in my life I recently read the book The Five Love Languages for Singles. It was fantastic! It literally changed the way I look at my life and how I interact with those around me. I have spent the last week or so analyzing those around me trying to discern what their love language could be. I know without a doubt that mine is physical touch. Seriously, if you ever want to make me feel loved all you have to do is give me a hug, squeeze my hand, or momentarily rest a hand on my shoulder. Nothing makes me feel more loved, more safe, or more secure than being able to cuddle up next to someone and just be there in the moment. Maybe this is what's been missing in my friendships, that actual physical aspect. Maybe I'm hoping for something I can't have right now. I don't really know. Either way, it's time for me to reach out and touch someone.

I think there's something wrong with me. I can't seem to get warm. No matter how toasty the room, how many layers of clothing I put on, or how close I stand to the heating vent I still get all shivery. Maybe it's because I spent the last 3 winters in a warmer climate, but I don't like these new freezing feelings. I'm naturally a warm-body person, so I'm starting to freak out a little bit. Even right this moment my hands are like blocks of ice. Not okay.

Anyway, that's enough of an update for now. Love you all!

I don't need a man...

2007-11-07T02:16:00.001-07:00

...but sometimes it would be nice to have one around anyway.

The one that got away

2007-11-03T00:56:00.000-06:00

So, here I sit on another Friday night (technically Saturday morning at this point, I guess) at work. Considering this is my fourth night in a row at work my social life has been lacking considerably this week. It's starting to wear on me. I wanted to work to live, not the other way around.

Granted, it could be worse: from the room I'm sitting in at the gorgeous new hospital I have an interesting view of not only the entire east side of the valley, but also the Southern Exposure strip club that is situated just next to the ER entrance. Let me tell you, the strip club is hoppin' tonight. At this particular moment in time I count no less than 100 parked cars, 5 people waiting for parking stalls, 3 strippers having a smoke break out back, and a cop. I'm glad my life has reached the low point of spending my Friday night there. Hm, now 3 cops...something's going down at the strip joint tonight. I can also see an IHOP from here and it's making me want breakfast. I may be stopping on my way home from work in the morning.

Watching helicopters take off and land is soothing to me.

Today has been one of those days where I wish I had someone in my life that I could curl up next to, lay my head on his shoulder, and just be in the moment. I think that's one of the greatest feelings in the world. I miss that.

I'd really like to date more. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not in search of my eternal companion, I just feel like that particular area of my life has gone down the tubes in the last little while. I'm even okay with friend dates. I just feel like I don't get out enough. I should work on that.

The Salt Lake valley is really pretty at night. Especially from the 12th floor.

Oh, as for "the one that got away"? One day he's going to realize that it's me.

Sometimes...

2007-10-29T14:30:00.000-06:00

There has been some talk lately, both in the blog world and out, of the "love languages". Mine is physical touch. For anyone that knows me, this shouldn't come as a surprise.

There are few things in this world that I love more than holding hands, cuddling up next to someone, or even just a simple hug. It's more than just loving these things, or even just wanting them... Emotionally, mentally, and physically I need these things. In order to feel loved I need someone to actually reach out and touch me. I thrive on it.

My mom and I had a conversation today about a young married couple we know. They've been married 2 years and just had their first baby a few months ago. She commented on the fact that it seems as though the husband has to almost force himself to touch his wife. I never see them hold hands, I never see him put his arm around her, I've never seen them hug, kiss, or show any kind of physical affection.

This got me thinking...if I were in a relationship such as this, would I survive? I venture that I would not. I think that if I were in a relationship without the touch-factor it would die a slow and painful death. Slow, because I'd just keep waiting to see if maybe something would happen, and painful because it would, very quickly, become painful for me.

This also brought on many thoughts of physicality of a different nature. I think a lot of my relationships have relied too heavily on the physical aspect. They've been centered on the making out rather than on the deeper, and quite honestly, more lasting aspects.

So, a few conclusions to draw from above musings:

A-- If I am physically affectionate with you, don't be alarmed. It just means that I want to show you how much I love you as a friend.

B-- When I do finally date someone I need to make sure he's okay with being touched. I don't have much of a personal space bubble.

C-- NCMO's are not good for me.

And that children, is all I will say on this subject. Big kiss to all of you!

2007-10-26T23:40:00.000-06:00

I'm freaking hot. 'Nough said.

O, woman, great is thy faith

2007-10-23T16:56:00.000-06:00

Today I found a fantastic book. It is called Woman and it was written in 1980 by several of the brethren of the time. I would like to take a few moments to share with you some of my favorite quotes out of this book:

"Women, you are of great strength and support to the men in your lives, and they sometimes need your help most when they are least deserving. A man can have no greater incentive, no greater hope, no greater strength than to know that his mother, his sweetheart, or his wife has confidence in him and loves him. And a man should strive every day to live worthy of that love and confidence." - N. Eldon Tanner

"Girls, prepare yourselves to assume the roles of mothers by gaining knowledge and wisdom through a good education." -N. Eldon Tanner

"I would urge all husbands, fathers, sons, and brothers to show great respect and love and try to be worthy of the women who are our wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, and sweethearts. There is no surer way for a man to show his lack of character, of good breeding, and of quality than for him to show lack of respect for woman." -N. Eldon Tanner

"Since the dawn of creation no aspect of woman's life compares with her divine appointment to be the vessel for the physical birth of a child who has been nurtured within her." -David B. Haight

"...when a mother honors and magnifies her calling, she is preparing for the eternities. She is not only preparing her children for their eternal destiny, but she is also preparing herself to become a queen and a priestess forever." -David B. Haight

"Using her body as the primal home for her unborn child, the woman teaches us the true example of total sacrifice through the care she takes with herself and the unborn child; her preparations in the home in joyful anticipation of its arrival; her months of discomfort and anxiety; her fulfilling daily responsibilities to her family and to others without complaint; her serenity in waiting; and her glorious expectaions. It is from her own mother's love and example that a daughter receives the desire, the hope, the courage, to become herself a mother." -Rex D. Pinegar

"A man will usually strive to become everything the woman he loves desires him to be." -Rex. D. Pinegar

"Without woman ther would be no home, no family circle." -G. Homer Durham

"I would hope that every girl and woman here has the desire and the ambition to qualify in two vocations-- that of homemaking, and that of preparing to earn a living outside the home..." -Sister Camilla Kimball

"Eve-- a daughter of God, one of the spirit offspring of the Almighty Elohim-- was among the noble and great in preexistence. She ranked in spiritual stature, in faith and devotion, in conformity to eternal law with Michael..." -Bruce R. McConkie

"Yes, it is not good for man to be alone because a righteious woman complements what may be lacking in a man's natural personality and disposition." -President Ezra Taft Benson

"The church recognizes that not all women in the Church will have the opportunity for marriage and omtherhood in mortality. Of necessity, some of our sisters have had to choose careers as a means of their own livelihood, and in some instances to provide for their families. But we do not encourage our young women to enter careers as lifelong objectives nhor as alternatives to marriage and family... You were not created to be the same as men." -President Ezra Taft Benson

"Mothers have a sacred role. They are partners with God, as well as with their own husbands, first in giving birth to the Lord's spirit children, and then in rearing those children so they will serve the Lord and keep his commandments. Could there be a more sacred trust than to be a trustee for honorable, well-born, well-developed children?" -President Spencer W. Kimball

"We men know the women of God as wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, associates, and friends. You seem to tame us and to gentle us, and yes, to teach us and to inspire us. For you, we have admiration as well as affection, because righteousness is not a matter of role, nor goodness a matter of gender. In the work of the kingdom, men and women are not without each other..." -Neal A. Maxwell

"We are deeply grateful for their enduring us as men when we are not at our best beause-- like God-- they love us not only for what we are, but for what we have the power to become." -Neal A. Maxwell

"We have speical admiration for the unsung but unsullied single women, among whom are some of the noblest daughters of God. These sisters know that God loves them, individually and distinctly." -Neal A. Maxwell

"Faith is the force of fulfillment for each of us. For a single woman making a life of learning and giving and loving, faith is not a definition, but a condition of confidence in God, held in the mind and heart of a seeking and believing child." -Marion D. Hanks

"The power of faith in Christ's love can transfrom human life from a dreary struggle without meaning into a joyous adventure." -Marion D. Hanks

"Mormon women in their true setting as handmaidens of the Lord are the freest women on earth. They have the greatest opportunity for self-expression and service to others of any women in the world. Why? Because they have the gospel." -Mark E. Petersen

I know I am grateful to all of the amazing women in my life. All of them mothers, sisters, daughters, friends, and sweethearts in their own right. It is my deepest prayer and desire that I, too, can become an elect lady before my Heavenly Father.

I am...

2007-10-14T00:54:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about balance. No, I don't mean balance in the physical, don't-fall-on-your-head way, but balance in my everyday life. Sometimes I get so caught up in the day-to-day humdrum of my life that I have to conciously take a step back and take stock of how my balance is. This next little bit of my blog is more for myself than anyone else, so feel free to quit reading at any time. For anyone interested in the inner workings of my head, however, feel free to continue on.

Physical: Okay, I'll be the first one to admit that this one has been shoved to the back burner long enough. I partially blame nursing school for making me the way I am, currently, but I can no longer use that as an excuse. This particular area of my life has been out of balance for far to long. Granted, I have lost weight since returning to Salt Lake, but losing weight isn't enough. I need to set some goals for myself, work hard to accomplish them, and then set some new ones. I want to feel good again.

Mental: I rely too much on others for my mental stability. It's time for me to take responsibility for my own mentality (whether good or bad). I want to be happy with myself just for the sheer fact of being me. I'm well on my way to this, but I still need a little work. It is slow going, learning to truly love oneself, but I know that in the end the peace and balance it will bring to my life will be it's own reward.

Spiritual: Believe it or not, this aspect of my life has been thrown off balance as well. I have no one to blame but myself. I'm resolving right now to do what I can to bring myself closer to my Heavenly Father. It's been quite some time since I've been on a spiritual high, and I think that now is a good time to rediscover this particular aspect of myself. We've just recieved excellent counsel from the brethren and I intend to study it and put it to use in my everyday life.

Temporal: This is the portion of myself that is knocking everything else out of balance, I'm afraid. I've spent the last several weeks and months making sure that I have myself temporally taken care of. I just bought a condo (yay!), have a fairly new job with a promotion in the works, and am finally making enough money to live my temporal life in a comfortable way.

Relationships: Now, this is a very broad category. I use the term "relationships" to span the board from friends, to boyfriends, to family. I'm going to break this particular category into some subcategories for my own organizational fulfillment.
Family: I feel as though my relationship with my family is in a very balanced place, currently. Not only am I near them geographically, but I feel very near them in every sense of the word. We are closer than we have been in a long time and our relationships together are in a very good place. I consider my parents and my siblings some of my best friends and I love spending time with them.
Friends: This is one of the things I feel is currently unbalanced in my life. I feel as though I have to try incredibly hard to keep my some of my friendships alive. Sometimes I feel forgotten, left behind, and like an afterthought. I realize that a lot of this is purely my own insecurities about myself, but they make me feel unimportant, nonetheless. Don't get me wrong, I love all of my friends dearly, but most of them don't live near me. My best friends live in either Ogden (I know, not that far away, but we both work full time), or St. George. I also have many close friends in the Provo area. However, I feel as though I need to make some friends a little bit closer to home. My friendships need some balance.
Romantic-style: This particular aspect of my life is completely out of whack, and unfortunately I feel that there's not much I can do about it. I don't get asked on dates very often, hardly ever in fact. I've heard from several sources that guys like it when girls ask them out on dates...these sources have obviously never seen the way guys react when I ask them out. Now, I realize that I'm not a cookie cutter Utah girl, physically or personality-wise. I'm okay with this. I just wish the guys here would be, too. My romantic life needs to have some balance.

Everything else: Now, I realize that this is an impossibly broad description of the many things that shape and define who I am. I'm going to cover just a few of them.
Hobbies: Since the end of my career as a college student I've had a lot of free time (A new term to me, for sure). I've spent some of this time rediscovering some past and present loves. I've been able to read a lot. My appetite for literature has grown stronger with every book I read. I've been able to pursue my photography. I spent this morning taking pictures of a friend's band. It's been a long time since I've enjoyed myself that much. Not only was I spending time with a great friend, but I was able to do it from behind the lens of my beloved Canon. I've also decided that I'm trying out for the Jenny Phillips choir. I'm very excited about this. It's been several years since I've sung with a choir and I miss it immensely. I've also rediscovered my loves of writing, cooking, and playing in the rain.
My career: I love what I do for a living. Let me say that one more time: I LOVE WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING! I was born to be a nurse. Any other job choice would be absolutely unsuitable for me. I love caring for my patients. I love watching them get better. I love helping people. I love being a shoulder to cry on if necessary. I am a nurse. This is one sector of my life that feels completely in balance, completely in tune, completely whole and complete.

So, my faithful few readers, if you were brave (or bored) enough to make it this far you have now caught a glimpse of the inner workings of my mind. My goal for my life is balance, and I plan on doing what I can to find and keep this balance.

Life is a tightrope act and I refuse to fall, even if there is a safety net.

Much love!

Life as I know it

2007-10-11T23:47:00.000-06:00

Well, it's been quite the week. On top of many other goings on I seem to have picked up a cold/sinus infection, so if this all sounds random and disjointed I apologize.

I guess I'll start off with the big news first: For anyone who follows my blog you would know from my last post that I was on the verge of losing my first patient. Shortly after I posted he did pass away. He went very peacefully, seemed calm and at ease for the first time in weeks, and the whole thing was a very interesting experience for me. I guess I never really thought about what a spiritual experience death is. I've been present for several births, which is incredibly awe-inspiring, but this was the first time I've been there for a death. For several days after it occured I couldn't help but feel some guilt. Let me elaborate: generally when a patient is placed on hospice or end-of-life care they are given morphine as a comfort measure. It is the nurses responsibility to push the morphine through the IV line. Well, what the average person doesn't know is that morphine also takes away the human body's drive to breathe. Thus, over time and several doses, it is possible to ease your patient into death. Well, my sweet little patient while in the middle of recieving one of said doses of morphine. Enter guilty feeling number 1: Did I kill my patient? Then, as I learned throughout this process, death is a very private, personal, unique event. This man's family was present throughout the final moments of his life. They were by his side. They were fully invested in his end-of-life care. Guilty feeling number 2: I invaded this family's privacy in their final moments with their husband and father.

Now, granted, after having talked the series of events over with various people I feel much better about the whole situation. I've come to the realization that I did not, in fact, kill my patient. I just aided him on a peaceful journey out of this life and into the next. Also, as a nurse, I've learned to be invisible in difficult situations. After he passed it was my responsibility to remove all of the various lines, tubes, etc in his body. I did so quietly, professionally, and then excused myself. Once the mortuary had come to procure the body, the wonderful, grieving widow came out to the nurses desk, gave me a hug, thanked me for being such a wonderful caretaker for her husband, and most of all thanked me for being unobtrusive and virtually invisible at the last moments. This eased my personal burden somewhat. We cried together for a few moments and then she returned to her daughters. Now, a week later, I have mostly come to terms with that night that has forever changed my life.

Onto other things: Greg and I had our housewarming (Or house-swarming as my dad affectionately calls it) on Sunday. It seemed to go pretty well. We had a pretty good turn out, got some fun housewarming gifts, and just had an all-around good time. There will be pictures to follow shortly.

Well, needless to say, after the all-around week from Hell Greg and I needed to have a little fun, so we took a day-trip to Gardner Village and bought some adorable Halloween decorations. They definitely made our condo feel even more like home. Maybe one of these days I'll get used to living in the same city as my family but in a different house.

And the crowning moment of my week: I went shopping with a good friend on Tuesday, because that's what you do when you're down, and I decided I needed a new, hot pair of jeans. Well, we went into the Gap and were looking around and she grabbed a pair, thrust them at me, and said try them on. I told her there was no way they were going to fit, I hadn't worn that size since probably high school. She said, "Don't make me put them on you myself!" So, I wandered back into the dressing room, and lo and behold: they fit! They look super-hot, too. I made the ass-face. I couldn't help it.

Anyway, kids, that's just a brief (okay, lengthy) update on the wonderful world of Annabelle. Look forward to more in the near future.

Much love!

Accepting my Life Calling

2007-10-04T22:19:00.000-06:00

This past week I've truly had to come to terms with my career, my thoughts on death, and myself. Many times throughout the past 3 days I've asked myself, "Are you sure you can do this?" This may be the first time for me, but it definitely will not be the last. People aren't supposed to die on rehab.

I have a patient who is dying. Now, I know what you might say, "Everyone is dying, it's a part of life." This man is actively passing away. Every time I reenter his room I can feel that a little more of his spirit is gone. He is slowly slipping out of this life and into the next. I do everything I can to keep him comfortable and hope that he is resting easily. It is my duty to see that his journey into death is a peaceful one. I don't know that I am emotionally strong enough to handle the magnitude of the situation.

Everytime I enter the room I have to be the strong one. I am now the rock upon which his family is leaning. I hold his wife while she cries. I give what comforting words I can. I say, "Isn't it wonderful what we know, as members of the church, about the Plan of Salvation." It is not enough. I can see that it is not enough.

What do I have to offer this family in their time of need? Me...a brand new nurse, fresh out of college, working at her first real job. Me... who, although I have experienced death in my own life, have never felt it's truly personal touch. Me. Just me. That's all I can offer. And yet again I know that it is not enough.

And so here I sit, at work, in the middle of the night. I cry. I fight the feeling. And yet, I know... nursing is my life calling. It is who I am. It is what I am. It is where I need to be. And so "just me" will have to be good enough.

...And that scares me

2007-10-01T12:19:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I wonder what happened in my life to make me so jaded. When I look back on the things that I've experienced, the people I've known, and the choices I've made I see no reason for my mind to process things the way it does. Unfortunately, for some unknown reason, at the tender age of 22 years old I am jaded.

I had a few unusual experiences this week. Well, unusual for me, that is. The first of these was that I held the 2 month old child of a friend. Her name is Eden and she is one of the most beautiful babies I've ever seen. Now, that sentiment alone is nearly a miracle coming from me because I have a small confession to make: babies under the age of about 9 months terrify me. I don't know why this is, and I understand that it's a totally irrational fear, but there you have it nonetheless. I will hold babies, I will coo at them along with every other warm-blooded female in the room, I'll comment on how precious they are...but if there's a baby in my arms you can guarantee that I'm planning an escape route in my head. Don't get me wrong, I look forward to being a mother someday...but someday is the key word there. I know that emotionally and maturity-wise I'm in no condition for birthing and raising children right now. I guess I can take small consolation in the fact that at least I understand this about myself. Anyway, back to Eden: as I was holding her I slowly came to the realization in my head that I wasn't terrified of her. In fact, I was reluctant to give her back to her mother. I would have been perfectly content to stand on my front lawn all night long rocking her in my arms and singing her love songs from the 70's. Weird.

The second unusual experience I've had this week (and this has been lingering unneccesarily long) is that I've had the growing desire to be married. I have no idea where this is coming from, I've honestly never felt this particular aching before. I can't shake it. Every morning I wake up and it almost brings me to tears to realize that I'm alone in my bed, that there's not a "Good morning, Beautiful" waiting for me from a husband. I see my friends with their spouses and a slight (but ever increasing) whispering inside me says, "I want that!" I spent some time on temple square this week and watched the newly married couples exiting the temple and they were glowing. I want to glow.

I know, it will happen when it's right. I know that I'm not ready right now. Logically I understand all of this. But in my heart, in my most vulnerable place I want a husband and a family of my own...and that scares me more than anything else.

That time again.

2007-09-27T11:38:00.001-06:00

It's that time of the month again...the full moon.

I think I'm even crazier than usual this time around. *sigh*

P.S.- Fantastic quote of the week: "Women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage."

The story of my...month?

2007-09-25T10:57:00.000-06:00

So, I feel the need to update and get rid of that horribly depressing blog that is currently gracing my page. These last few weeks have been sort of interesting for me. A lot of changes have occured, along with a lot of pure randomness. Most of it you'll get to hear about, some of it you may not...yet.

The biggest thing that happened is that Greg and I bought our condo. Yahoo! While he's been on the road for the past ten days I've been attempting to make our house a home. With my futon from college, our donated kitchen table (50's style), and a pooling of our decorative resources I think we've managed fairly well. There will be a housewarming party in the near future, details to follow at a later date.

Secondly, I'd just like to say again how grateful I am for my friends. Being alone too much tends to make me think too much, which occasionally will bring on a bout of mild depression. Thanks, guys, for being there to spend some time with me and keeping me out of the doldrums.

My parents have a hot tub in their back yard. It is a delight. Since I'm poor (just bought a condo, remember?) a good soak in the hot tub is about as close to a massage as I can get to ease my tired and sore muscles.

So, I succumbed to the mania and read the Twilight series. Fabulous! I read the entire series in about 3 and a half days, and now I'm slightly bitter that I have to wait a year for the release of the 4th one. Ah well, such is life. Oh, and I'm a Jacob girl...sorry all you Edward fans out there.

Well, my friends, I think that's about all I have to update on at this time. More to follow later.

Much love!

I can't blame the moon

2007-09-12T02:46:00.000-06:00

Well, my friends, it's reached that time of my life (and the morning) where I feel the need to release some of my pent-up crazy. For some reason I feel as though the last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me. I feel like I fight my way uphill into contentment and happiness, only to reach the crest and plummet back down again. It could be due to the fact that I'm once again standing in the center of the swirling vortex of change, or it could just be time to release some dammed-up emotion. I honestly don't know, but for some reason I'm sitting here at work, at 3:00 in the morning, pouring out my heart to a computer screen, with tears running down my face.

I tell myself to suck it up, be strong, just keep plugging along. I've got nothing to be sad about. My life is in a good place right now. I have a career that I love, family that I'm close to, friends that I adore (and I'm pretty sure they like me back), and in less than 8 hours I'll be a homeowner. So why do I feel this lingering strain of discontent? In the perfect harmony of my life something keeps striking a wrong note and throwing off the balance.

My fingers itch to write a book, but I don't know what I'd say. Everything I see is a photograph, but I can't bring myself to pick up my camera. All around me I see happiness, joy, love, peace, and comfort, yet I feel strangely apart from it all. Some days it's almost as if I'm watching my life through a window. I experience the things happening around me but am detached in some way. I can't seem to shake the feeling that I'm missing something important.

I know I'm the only person that can change this feeling. If I don't involve myself in my life I could become a permanent observer. I ask myself how to find the happiness that everyone around me seems to have. I know that attitude is a choice, but making myself choose a positive attitude seems so overwhelming most of the time.

I hate feeling this way. I hate being a whiner. I feeling out of control in a situation I should have complete control over.

But most of all I hate it that I can't blame the moon.

Understanding me

2007-09-10T22:19:00.000-06:00

For all of the masks I wear, all of the different shows I put on for different people, I really am a very simple person at my core. There's a poem by Rilke which describes very well what I'm looking for in my life. It goes like this:

"I'd like to sing someone to sleep,
By someone sit, and be still.
I'd like to rock you and murmur a song
Be with you on the fringes of sleep
Be the one and only awake in the house
Who would know that the night is cold.
I'd like to listen both inside and out,
Into you, and the world, and the woods.
The clocks call out with their toiling bells,
And you can see to the bottom of time.
Down in the street a stranger goes by
And bothers a passing dog.
Behind come silence, I've laid my eyes
On you like an open hand,
And they hold you lightly and let you go,
When something moves in the dark."

Peace, security, safety, love, and happiness. This is what I want from my life.

Two Roads Diverged...

2007-08-31T02:05:00.000-06:00

I read a book today that I recommend everyone read. It was called Girl With a Pearl Earring. It's by Tracy Chevalier. They made a movie of it last year, I believe. Anyway, in this book the main character, Griet, talks about an 8-pointed star set into the ground in the city. Each of the points, obviously, leads a person to a different part of the city and a different occurence in Griet's day and life.

I feel as though I'm standing in the middle of this 8-pointed star. I have so many choices in front of me right now, and yet I have no idea which direction I want to take. This isn't necessarily a choice between right or wrong, good or bad, pass or fail. This is more a matter of good, better, or best. None of the paths from my star are a wrong decision, it's about deciding which right choice is the best choice for me.

None of the paths are strewn with rose petals. They all will require some hard work, elbow grease, the need to get a little dirty, and possibly some heavy lifting to clear obstacles out of my way. This doesn't scare me. I was raised not to fear hard work, but to embrace it. The part that scares me is that once I start something I don't give up on it. My purely stubborn nature won't allow me to admit defeat, turn back, and try another path. Whichever one I take I will devote myself to 100%.

So I stand in the center of my star, turn slowly in a circle, and wonder...

Which way do I go?

2007-08-23T02:47:00.000-06:00

I have a patient tonight that I have not-so-affectionately named The Vampire. She's one of those emotionally needy people that sucks the life right out of you. Now, a certain level of neediness I can handle, but this woman just takes...and takes...and takes. I fear by the time 7 am rolls around I won't have anything left to give.

I learned today that I'm a red personality. Now, considering the above paragraph, and how well the 3 or 4 people that read my blog know me, this shouldn't be a surprise to any of us. The woman leading the class seemed shocked, and somewhat appalled, at my test results. She said that generally reds go into the business world. They apparently make fantastic real estate agents, CEO's, and managers. I love it when I throw off people's perceptions on how things should be.

There was a woman in the cafeteria tonight with fuschia hair. Now, she wasn't just any woman...she was a nurse. And it wasn't just any kind of fuschia hair...it was fuschia grandma-poof. Pretty much amazing. I wonder, though, just how professional that is. I know if I showed up to work with fuschia hair it would raise a lot more eyebrows, and complaints, than this particular woman. Maybe she works somewhere like the nursery where the patients don't know any different.

I'm currently listening to my favorite song in the whole world. It makes me feel all gushy inside. I'm such a girly girl sometimes. It actually makes me want to be proposed to in a cute way. Hell, it actually makes me want to be propsed to. Weird.

I need to remember not to eat a full meal in the middle of the night. I couldn't help it, though, the bacon cheeseburger looked so good. Yes, children, despite eating like that I've still managed to lose 10 pounds since I moved home.

I need a vacation.

Well, that's all for tonight, friends. Until next time.
Much love.

My List of Demands

2007-08-17T03:37:00.000-06:00

I want to say something important but I don't know what it is.

I want to take care of those around me, but sometimes people need to take care of themselves.

I want to wear hot shoes as often as possible.

I want to use music to tell others how I'm feeling.

I want people to look at me and think, "She's not perfect, but she's beautiful anyway."

I want to make my mark on the world.

I want to deliver babies in a third world country.

I want to laugh, or cry, whenever I feel so inclined.

I want to cook for my friends.

I want to hold hands.

I want to dance in the rain.

I want to climb mountains.

I want to wake up next to the man I love everyday.

I want to experience holding my newborn child in my arms.

I want to sing along, even if I don't know the words.

I want to be the kind of person others can rely on.

I want to eat pasta in Italy.

I want to jump out of an airplane.

I want to say "I love you" and not feel ashamed about it.

I want to be a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

I want to see those I love happy.

I want to be a great nurse.

I want to get flowers on Valentines Day.

I want to be a teacher, both by word and example.

I want to be the kind of person that others love to be around.

I want to write a book.

I want people to know I care.

I want to hug and be hugged.

I want to live near the ocean, at least for a little while.

I want to document my whole life through photographs.

I want to not take my life for granted.

I want to be comfortable in my own skin.

I want to paint every room in my house a different color.

I want to be the best me I can be.

I want to live, laugh, and love everyday.

Musings on Matrimony

2007-08-11T00:24:00.000-06:00

I took a friend to the instacare this week. We walked in and stepped up to the desk to speak to the check-in woman. After my friend told her that he wasn't feeling well, etc, she turns to me and asks if I have our insurance cards. I smile sweetly (hard for me to do) while he says, "I have my insurance cards right here." She looks confused for a moment and then it dawns on her that she's just made a wrong assumption: that he and I were married.

Lately, due to experiences like the one recounted above and some experiences in the lives of people close to me, I've been thinking quite a bit about the subject of marriage. I've come to the conclusion that I am utterly terrified of it. I don't think this is normal for a girl of my age, social position, religion, etc. Let's be honest, most of my friends from high school and college have already crossed the great divide into the state of wedded bliss. Several of them have been that way for a few years. I'm happy with my life the way it is. I've got a college degree, a great career, fabulous friends, and the time to experience pretty much anything I want to.

So why do I feel so much pressure to get married?

I know deep down inside it'll come for me, too, someday. I hope by that time I'm ready. I don't deal well with surprises... Or big changes. I only pray that the man who finally wants to settle down with me is patient enough to hold my hand and wait out the storm that's sure to come with a change of that magnitude.

Mostly I just see so many girls my age, and younger even, getting married because they think it'll solve all their problems. I pray everyday that I'm smarter than that. I even know of a few girls that, in my opinion, are getting married because it's what all their friends are doing and they don't want to be left behind. I know I'm smarter than that. I just hope that when the time comes I'm smart enough to get married to the right man for the right reasons.

So what's my point? I don't have one. I just needed to work through some of the clutter in my brain.

Much love!

Two in a row? You'd better believe it...

2007-08-10T03:06:00.001-06:00

A new update before the regularly scheduled post: I just read that President James E. Faust passed away about an hour ago. I just want to take a moment to remember a wonderful man who had a very personal connection to my life. President Faust is the man that essentially converted and baptized my Grandma Hatch. Without this man's influence in my family my life would probably be very different today. Also, as an extremely insecure 14 year old girl, he once told me I was beautiful and to never let anyone else tell me differently. May we all remember this great and wonderful man and strive to live the things he taught and so thoroughly exemplified in his own life.

So, I don't know why I feel so posessed to write 2 days in a row, but I do, so y'all get to suffer through it with me. Ah, the joys of being my friend, eh?

My boss asked me this week to be a "unit champion" of a new program we're instituting among our staff. It's called Healing Connections and essentially it's a program that teaches nurses and other hospital staff how to interact with their patients and coworkers. She apparently thinks I've got the right personality and attitude to not only master this particular program but to effectively teach it to the other staff members I work with. When she first asked me to do this I sort of laughed and responded with, "You have met me, right?" Guess we'll see how it goes, if nothing else I'll get paid to attend some trainings and I just might come out of it all learning something new and useful. I do find it a little silly, though, that someone has copyrighted and marketed the basics of talking to a patient.

I'm wearing my hot pink scrubs again. What I realized on my way out the door for work tonight, though, is that my purse also happens to match said scrubs. I'm even wearing pink shoes. This might be a little overboard. My dad called me The Pink Lady. The pink memo apparently went out to the rest of the staff as well considering that there were 4 other girls wearing pink scrubs tonight too.

I've decided that things happen when you least expect them to. Just when you think you've got the game under control life throws you a curve-ball. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I happen to know how to hit a home run off a curve-ball. I just find it interesting that as soon as I get too content with where my life is the changes start. This is good. I like change. I think it keeps things interesting, and keeps me from becoming lazy and complacent.

I met a nurse tonight that told me he could get me in to see the right people to get me a job in the operating room. This is my dream for my career, and I'm strongly considering using this connection in the near future. I'll have to think on this for a bit. Please, share your thoughts as well.

Butch Walker is the man. If you're not familiar with him you should become so. His music is real, simple, awesome to sing along to, not to mention he put on the best live concert I've ever been to. Someday I'll meet him and my life will be complete.

I had a patient try and grope me tonight. I never thought this would occur in my pink scrubs. They must make me look extra-curvaceous and not as pregnant as my others (Not that I am pregnant, scrubs just make me seem that way).

Well, I feel as though I've relieved some of my strange compulsion to write. Hope you all enjoyed this little piece of what's occuring in my mind at any given moment.

Much love!

A Note of Thanks

2007-08-08T15:17:00.000-06:00

It's been an eventful week, but at the same time not particularly blog-worthy. In the style of my other friends that blog I'm just going to take a few moments and expound upon how grateful I am for good friends.

One of the hardest things for me when I moved back to Salt Lake from St. George was leaving behind my friends. I felt as though I'd found a place where I fit in, where I could be myself and be appreciated for it, where my friends were more than that...they were my family. For several weeks after I moved home I struggled with a homesickness so overpowering that I wanted nothing more than to move back to the scorching heat of a St. George summer. In the (somewhat modified) words of David Duchovny in Return to Me, "I love my Salt Lake friends, but I ache for my 'family'." A lot of this changed when I returned for a visit. As I drove the last little stretch of highway over the black ridge I knew deep down inside that Salt Lake was where I needed to be. Thank goodness for small reassurances.

Now, don't get me wrong, I still dearly love and miss my friends down south. They are irreplaceable (I'm making up words again, I know) in my heart and my mind. I learned things from them, and experienced things with them, that I know would never have been a part of my life otherwise. I doubted I would ever feel as at home among a group of friends as I did with them...until this past week.

In the past few weeks I've slowly been introduced to some new people. They are just as loving, accepting, understanding, and caring as my St. George-ians. I don't know them well yet, but I feel I get to know them more everyday, and for this opportunity I am truly grateful. My horizons have been broadened, my heart and eyes have been opened, and my life once again feels full. A 'thanks' is much in order for my new friends: Thank you for letting me love you, thank you for allowing me to be who I am and appreciating and accepting me for it. Thank you for the laughter. Thank you for welcoming me with open arms and allowing me to become part of your lives. Thank you, most of all, for being you.

And on that note I'll go dry my eyes, because after all I'm just a silly, sentimental girl.

Much love!

Forbidden love...

2007-08-03T03:18:00.001-06:00

Okay, so the title makes this sound juicier than it actually is. In all honesty this is going to be a bit of a rant and rave session about my life (or lack thereof), so feel free to quit reading at any time.

My crush returned to work tonight. It made my tummy do a little flip when he walked through the door. I love having something to look forward to at work. My same problem as always has started again with him, though...I am the advice girl. For the first half hour or so of our shift I was nothing but a shoulder to cry on for him. Turns out his dad was really sick back in Kansas and so he flew back for 10 days to help take care of the family. Now, if you have a high opinion of me you should probably not read this next part: the whole time we were talking he was telling me about how his dad's brush with death made him come to terms with his own mortality, blahblahblah. He's getting to the point where he wants to propose to his girlfriend of 3 and a half years. He, for some unknown reason, felt the need to share all of this with me. And what can I do, really, but smile, nod, and tell him that commitment's not that scary. How's that for hypocrisy...me, the world's biggest commitment-phobe telling someone to commit. Oh, on a lighter note I found out that he has tattoos, and they're tastefully done. Now, I think a little ink on a man is sexy. Crazy? Maybe.

I'm wearing hot pink scrubs tonight. I don't know what posessed me to do this. I look like a giant, walking piece of bubble gum with wild hair. Even my socks are pink. I'm like the pepto-bismal nurse.

The woman sitting at the computer next to me just yelled at me for typing so fast. I can't help it that I'm a fast typer, it just happens. She told me that the keys were clicking too loud. Whatever. I'm typing loud on purpose now.

Speaking of which: I don't know what's made me so contrary lately. I feel the need to argue with everyone, always prove my point, and be right about everything. Someone needs to tell me to chill out.

The field trip this week was to the Clark planetarium. Honestly, don't waste your time. The old Hansen Planetarium was like a trillion times cooler. Maybe it's because I went there as a kid and most things are cooler when you're a kid. They did have these cool things in the gift shop that I wanted, though. They were little stuffed animals of all the different STD's. Slightly crude and off-color, yes, but they would've made amazing gifts for some of my nurse friends.

I feel this strange compulsion to go shoe shopping. I want to fill my world with bright, beautiful, funky shoes. I want to make my feet gorgeous.

And on that extremely random note I'm signing off for now.
Much love!

The Happy Experiment

2007-07-31T02:18:00.000-06:00

So, occasionally I hit this point in my life where I need to remind myself of all of the things I love in this world. That's when I break out my "Things I love" list. I read it, I add to it, I learn from it. Here is the list so far:

~Holding hands
~Seeing old men dote on their wives
~The rain
~Giving sound advice
~A hug from a friend I haven't seen in a long time
~Silly bets
~Pink socks
~Polka dots
~Nice hands
~A new bra
~My car
~A good meal
~My job
~Falling asleep all cuddled up next to someone
~The smell of a guy fresh out of the shower in a tshirt right out of the laundry
~Having a good cry
~Taking pictures
~Reading an uplifting book
~Driving around with the windows down
~Singing along to the radio at the top of my lungs
~A smile from a stranger
~Pickles
~Asking my mom and dad for advice
~Seeing my friends in happy, healthy relationships
~Getting a pedicure
~Text messaging
~Discovering a great new band
~Live shows
~Lip gloss
~Spongebob boxers
~The beach
~Henna tattoos
~Making new friends
~Being accepted how I am
~Shirts that are long enough to cover my back when I sit down
~Shoes (especially heels)
~Laughing
~Reconnecting with friends from my distant past
~Flip flops
~Skirts in the summer
~Ribbon
~Jewelry
~Family Heirlooms
~Brushing my teeth
~Fresh-cut flowers in my bedroom
~Clean sheets
~Movies that make me think
~An unexpected visit from an out-of-town friend
~New clothes
~Good hair days
~Playing the piano
~Singing the hymns in church
~Tan lines
~A kiss on top of the head, just because he can
~A firm handshake
~Reading to my brother

And newly added tonight:
~Reading the classics
~Naps
~Sappy movies
~Love notes
~Having Greg's "family" at Sunday dinner
~Men that dress well
~Women that dress well
~Men that dress well as women
~New underwear
~Patterned socks
~My iPod
~IKEA
~Ice cream in the middle of the night
~Mastering a recipe
~Crushes
~"Girl talk"
~The smells of autumn
~Friends at work
~Feeling motivated to put on make up
~Not feeling obligated to put on make up
~When people are glad to see me
~Free massages
~Piano music
~Game shows
~Educational field trips
~Rootbeer popsicles
~A good, solid argument
~Dancing with someone
~Black and white photography
~Bermuda shorts
~Laughter

Now, everyone take a cleansing breath...just kidding. I feel like sometimes all I do is whine about what's going wrong in my life, so I like to take a few moments and realize all of the fantastic things I experience regularly. I have so much to be grateful for and so much I take for granted. My goal for the week: Take the negative and find a way to make it positive.

Full moon? I think so...

2007-07-28T00:18:00.000-06:00

I find it interesting that so many things in my life coincide with the full moon. The hospital is a completely differnet place during the full moon, especially if it occurs on the weekend. There are more babies born, more people dying, and more traumas than any other time during the cycle. Things on my particular unit are all-around busier, as well. People spike temperatures, have sudden incontinence problems, and become nauseated for no apparent reason. I blame the moon.
My personal life is always different during the full moon as well. I am definitely less fun to be around, shorter-tempered, and more emotional. Also, my sarcasm is pretty much even more over-the-top than usual. Okay, so it could be PMS (too much information, I know), but it's definitely easier to blame that pock-marked sphere orbiting our planet than my own body. I blame the moon.
I've started writing prose, and a little poetry, again. This is unusual seeing as how I haven't written in several years. My poems sound more like song lyrics than anything. I think I've deluded myself into thinking I can be a rock star. Two problems with this, 1)I know a total of 4 chords on the guitar, and 2) I really don't sing all that well. Maybe after the lyrics are written I'll pass them along to a friend's band. I mean, come on, what band doesn't need another sappy ballad?
My brother took my car to Richfield this weekend to go on a date. I think I'm having seperation anxiety. If he breaks my car, I break his head.
I saw something this week that made my heart smile (Lizzy and Colt, that was for you): A man driving a mint green vespa scooter wearing glasses (they appeared to be Prada, but I'm not sure) and a man-bag (okay, it was a purse) in the identical shade of green as his scooter. It was the most ideal thing I've seen in a long time.
Octupus' (octupi?) are very cool. The fieldtrip this week was to the living planet aquarium, I recommend it. Take a date. They had an octupus there that had his very own anemone, starfish, and-- I kid you not-- Mr. Potatohead friends. Also, there were stingrays to pet and glow-in-the-dark jelly fish. A very informative afternoon.
Now, on to the angst portion of regularly scheduled announcement: Is there something wrong with me? Do I have a horrible disease? Do I rival Quasimodo in looks? I'm getting a little annoyed with men not wanting to get to know me. Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way looking for a relationship right now, but I'd still like to go on dates. I enjoy getting to know people, discovering new places, and having a good time. I mean, I know I'm no Tyra Banks, but I'm an attractive enough girl. I have a good sense of humor, a big heart, a college degree, and a career. I've got a lot going for me. I shake my fist at the men of Utah and, oh hell, I blame the moon.
Well, my dearly devoted readers. That is all I have for now.
Much love!

That time of the morning...

2007-07-24T01:53:00.000-06:00

Well my fabulous readers (okay, more likely just a single reader) it's time for another update in the wonderful world of me.

I did something this past week that I recommend everyone do at least once in their lifetime. Go be a tourist in the city you live in. It's an interesting experience. I went on a field trip on Wednesday with my brother to just check some of the cool places here in Salt Lake that he'd never seen. We began our afternoon with a ride on Trax where we played the "count the American flags" game, aka my way of keeping him entertained til we got downtown. Needless to say he kicked my butt and almost doubled my score. Once we'd arrived downtown we took a short walk to the Joseph Smith Memorial Building where we went and looked out at downtown from the top level. Mostly it just made me hungry since we could smell food cooking in the Garden restaurant. McKay took the liberty of showing me where all the best places to jump from were. After that little excursion we meandered our way over to the conference center. We joined forces with a group from out of state for a tour of the vast building. Let me just say that there are some parents in this world that need to keep better control on their children. I would've been embarassed if Mac had acted like these kids. After our trip to the top of the center and back we decided to go to the Church History Museum, a very informative (and perfectly air conditioned) establishment.

After many potty stops, historical facts, and a whole roll of black and white pictures we hopped another Trax train back to the south end of the valley. All in all, a nice afternoon in the blazing heat.

I've made a goal to go on at least one date a month. The unfortunate part of this goal? No one ever asks me on dates. The moral of this story: I'm going to have to get brave in a hurry and start asking boys out.

I went to my new ward on Sunday. There's some pretty good eye-candy to be had. Greg and I have decided to nickname the members of the ward. So far we have The Resident and Mini-Mo. A fair start after just one week, in my opinion. There was also a guy in lavender pants. It takes serious confidence to wear lavender pants and a pink shirt to church. Kudos to him. Sitting in church on Sunday, though, made me have a bit of a mini-epiphany, this being that I have a strange attraction to slightly overweight balding or bald men. Strange, I know, but what can you do? They need love too.

Last, but certainly not least, I have a raging crush on one of my coworkers. He sat next to me in staff meeting and smelled so fantastic that I just had to lean over and take a whiff. He found that entertaining. Now, there are 2 problems with this scenario, first and foremost: He has a long term girlfriend that he's terrified to marry. Secondly, and slightly less important: I have a policy about dating coworkers...namely, I don't do it. Ah well, he keeps me excited to come to work. That'll do for now.

Alas, children, that is all I have for you tonight. Remember: The glass may be half full, it may be half empty...sometimes it's just half a glass.

The Mess That is My Life

2007-07-14T04:26:00.000-06:00

Okay, so my life really isn't that big of a mess. In fact, things are going really well and almost entirely according to plan.

I took my state licensing boards this week. I wasn't as nervous for them as I probably should've been, therefore I really didn't study for them as much as I probably should have. The test kicked me out after 75 questions, the minimum for this particular test. That means I either bombed it terribly or aced it. I'm hoping for aced. After I came out of the test I was going through the routine with the woman running the center when she suddenly stops, puts hands on hips, and looks up into my face (she was about 5 feet tall and spoke with a heavy middle eastern accent) and says to me, "You're not chewing gum, are you!?!?" Me, having just come out of the hardest and most important test of my life can't come up with a fabulous answer on the spot so I say, "Oh, it's been stuck to the roof of my mouth." She gets a very concerned look on her face and says, "There is to be no gum chewing in the testing room. I usually ask before I take you in, you didn't appear to be chewing it then so I didn't ask." At this point I'm wondering how it's my fault that she didn't do her job, and basically just wanting to get out of there so I say, "Well, sorry. I didn't know." She throws me one last reproving look and sends me on my way. That, my friends, plus the very attractive man at the front desk, was my ever-exciting experience at the Pearson-Vue Testing Center this week.

Well, that's about all my life has to offer right now. Between that excitement and my new ipod (LOVE IT!!!) I've stayed busy.

Much love!

Jumping on the Bandwagon

2007-07-03T06:28:00.000-06:00

Well, for me this is one of those "everyone else is doing it" kind of things. I figure since I tend to have a few spare moments here and there throughout the night I'll share my random thoughts with the world (or at least anyone who cares to read).

This is the third time I've tried to start this particular blog tonight. Everytime I get settled in a patient calls. Have a mentioned lately how much I love my job? No, in all seriousness I do love my job. Where else could you get paid to look at butts all night. Okay, so that may be taking it a bit far, but you get the point.

My life is in an interesting place right now. I'm a college graduate (go team me), living back in my parents' house, making more money than I know what to do with. For some reason, though, I feel a bit of discontent (I don't know if that's even a word, but it is now) with my life. Maybe it's being back under the roof of the parentals, maybe it's the fact that I'm all of a sudden having to make adult decisions on a regular basis, maybe it's that I hold people's lives in my hands 3 nights a week...whatever it is I need to find the source. I deserve to be happy and I'm the only one that can make sure I am.

I want to find a voice teacher. Why? I want to sing better. Simple question, simple answer.

My cousin Greg and I are looking for a place to buy. It should be a good time living with Greg, not that he'll be around all that often. It scares me, though, that I'm putting down roots. The last several years of my life have been lived in a somewhat transient state and buying is so permanent. I know it's for the best, though, I just need to tell myself that repeatedly.

Well, my friends, the masses are beginning to wake for the day. Until my next night shift (not for a week, I'm headed to Lake Powell, yay!).

Much love!