Pushing through the dry spell...

So, for the last little while my life has had a complete lack of any sort of physical relationship. Not gonna lie, kind of dying right now. So, instead of forgetting about it, here are a few quotes on the subject of kissing:

"If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt." ~ Thomas Carlyle

"A kiss without a hug is like a flower without the fragrance."

'"May I print a kiss on your lips?" I said,
And she nodded her full permission:
So we went to press and I rather guess
We printed a full edition.' ~John Lilientha

"Kissing is like drinking salted water. You drink, and your thirst increases." ~Chinese Proverb

"It takes a lot of experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner." ~Ladies Home Journal 1948

"A man's kiss is his signature." ~Mae West

"A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know." ~Mistinquette

"Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can't hold back."

" Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last." ~Remy De Gourmont

So, my friends... if you have someone to kiss, please do it.

Much love!

Secrets, secrets are no fun...

I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd think I was living in a Nickelodeon teenage soap opera. My life has secret crushes, disease, disaster, friendship problems, make-outs that screw things up, and so much more... about the only thing I'm missing is a pregnant 16 year old named Jamie Lynne. Okay, so that might be taking it a little far.

There is a theory I've heard that bad things happen in threes: Natural disasters, death, personal issues, etc. This week will be the test on whether this particular theory holds true in my own life.

Bad Thing #1: The Dreaded Phone Call... I won't go into anymore detail than that, except that my life hasn't been the same since. I'll let you know if and when this particular issue resolves.

Bad Thing #2: The Ultimate Back-Burner Girl... Yes, this is my lot in life. Not only did I waste my entire vacation, but I came back home more stressed than when I left. A vacation shouldn't do that to you. Of course, someone you consider your best friend shouldn't do what he did, either. Sorry, I realize I'm being totally cryptic, but this all makes sense in my head. If you want more information let me know and I'll fill you in.

Bad Thing #3: The Suicide... I recieved word last night that a friend of mine in St. George killed herself this week after learning about her much younger husband's affair with a teenager. It just made me realize that life is short. She left behind three already somewhat screwed up kids, a family and friends that care about her, and what could've been the remainder of a great life. Maybe it's just me, and I realize this is going to sound harsh, but I have a hard time mustering up sympathy for someone who doesn't have better problem solving skills. My first reaction would've been to leave the lying, cheating, low-down bastard... not drive my car off a cliff. Maybe it's just me. Anyway, I know she can't read this where she is now, but Kolette, this is for you: I'm sorry you felt like you had nowhere else to turn. I hope you've found the peace you were so desperately seeking.

In other news, despite the recent piling up of stressful events, I'm surprisingly calm and at ease with my world. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, and I think it's because I've finally let go. I'm giving myself the opportunity to grow, change, and be happy by myself. Life is good, I really don't have much to complain about, and I feel a change in the winds.

Please, keep me in your prayers as I face the continuous mounting of challenges while Satan tests what I'm really made of.

Much love!

Growing pains

He brings out the best in me.

He makes me laugh when I am down.
He gives me a shoulder to cry on when I can't hold back the tears.
He gives me "that look" out of the blue.
He always knows just what I need to hear, even when I don't want to hear it.
He treats me like a queen, even when I don't deserve it.
He always knows how to make me smile.
Even his bad habits don't annoy me.
He is a fantastic kisser.
Our hands just fit together.
He can take it as well as dish it out.
He'll rescue me when I'm in a bind.
He knows how to push my buttons to get what he wants.
He gives me a place to stay when I have nowhere to go.
He is my refuge from the storm.
He brings out my temper.
He has no idea how amazing I am.
He'll buy me dinner.
We make a great team.

He brings out the best in me, unfortunately he also brings out the worst in me. Maybe he'll realize what he had once it's gone.

Then again, maybe not.

Fear Not...

Have you ever experienced that gut-clenching, heart-wrenching, complete, and total feeling of fear?

There are certain times in my life that I experience such terror. It takes a lot to ruffle my feathers, really it does, but there are certain things that scare me beyond all reason. A few of these things have been introduced into my life this past week and consequently I've been living in a state of constant fear for the last 7 days.

There are parts of me that think fear is a very selfish emotion, and yet it is one I can't help feeling. They say faith is the opposite of fear, and maybe I don't have enough faith, but I do not like being scared. Honestly, these are issues that I feel I need to deal with on my own, anyhow. They are very much of the physical world, and I feel would be trifling to anyone else. Don't get me wrong, I pray about them regularly, seek answers in the scriptures and other places, but at the same time feel as though these are things I need to just wait out.

There is something of a worrier in me by nature, and maybe this is my problem. I have quite the talent for turning molehills into mountains. Unfortunately, pessimism is a large part of my personality and I automatically have a tendency to think the worst. I've found that sometimes the only way to overcome this particular problem is to surround myself with those I love, pray for the best, and enjoy the parts of life that don't terrify me.

So, here I sit, in one of my favorite places in the whole world, my home away from home, surrounded by friends that I love and who love me, and I hope and pray for the best.

And yet again, I wait for the fear to subside.

Another year, come and gone...

It's the middle of the night and I really should be in bed asleep, but for some strange reason I feel compelled to write. I have so many thoughts rattling around inside my head just waiting to get out. It's been a big year for me, so I'd like to take a few moments and share the highlights with you.

I spent most of this year learning how to be a grown up. It was a frightening, sometimes painful, and all around exhilarating experience. I experienced many things this year, some of them good, some of them bad. I lived, I loved, I laughed, I cried, I made life changing decisions, I made a few bad choices, I prayed, I lost myself, I found myself, and most of all: I discovered that I'm okay being who I am.

Not only was this a big year for emotional growth, but it was a huge year for "temporal" growth as well. I graduated from college, received my RN, bought a new car, bought a house, started a new job, and so many other things.

Now I'd like to take just a moment and steal an idea from my cousin/roommate Greg's blog and list 100 things that I loved this year:

My first pair of designer shoes
Having more than one place to call home
New best friends
Old best friends
Great roommates
Eliot, my car
Scrubs (the t.v. show)
Scrubs (the clothing item)
Reading the classics
Reading the occasional trashy romance novel
Lake Powell Vacations
Henna tattoos
The beach
Sweaters with fur on the hood
Getting something I've wanted for years
Pink feather boas
Super soft bathrobes
Monthly pedicures
Friends' blogs
Decorating
My new big bed
Soft sheets
Monkey
Keeping a journal
Blogging
My coworkers
Chick-flicks
Old jewelry
Homemade jewelry
Gerber daisies
Unexpected hugs
Talking til 4 in the morning
Textual Innuendo
Texting one person all day and not getting bored
Family parties
Zebra stripes
Polka dots
Having long hair
Dancing whenever, wherever
Being a rockstar in my car
Being the life of the party without even trying
Knowing I'm loved
Temple prep
Laptops
The ipod
Finding new bands I love
Finding new albums from bands I've loved for a long time
"Love you long time!"
When my friends have "Annicka Days"
Popcorn with extra butter
Tuesday night movies in Hurricane
Sunday dinner with my family (my Hurricane family and my Salt Lake family)
Spooning
Making up stories for unexplained bruises
Playing spoons at work
Going from dark, to blond, to redhead, and back to dark
Sunday crushes
Sunday crushes that turn out to be more than that
Reconnecting with old friends
Watching my friends find love
Searching for love
Utah football
Going to games with my family
Hockey game dates
Seeing my friends and family "find themselves"
Being happy
Laughing til my stomach hurts
Laughing til I can't breathe
Dinner parties
Ugly sweaters
Comfy pants
The lovesac
5 love languages
Other people's life stories
"Steven Tyler!"
Random road trips to Idaho
Black and white photography
The zoo
Giving good advice
Being a shoulder to cry on
Having a shoulder to cry on
Paint chips on the wall for 3 months
Wii
Facebook status updates
Myspace surveys
Being asked to take engagement photos for a friend
Lunch with the Brighton Babes
Cute boots
Ambient lighting
Transformers
Butch Walker
"California is raining, let's go to Mexico"
Underwear shopping
Ikea
Learning to cook
Watching it rain
"Yo' Momma!"
Giving strange anatomy lessons
Being "The New Girl"
Finally learning that I am a strong, proud, beautiful, independent daughter of God, and I am worth it!

I hope everyone had a fantastic 2007, and here's looking up your old address for 2008!

To love is the greatest gift of all

A few thoughts on love...

From the novel A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers:
"'Love,' this English word: like other English words it has tense. 'Loved' or 'will love' or 'have loved.' All these specific tenses mean Love is time-limited thing. Not infinite. It only exist in particular period of time. In Chinese, Love is ai. It has no tense. No past and future. Love in Chinese means a being, a situation, a circumstance. Love is existence, holding past and future.
If our love existed in Chinese tense, then it will last for ever. It will be infinite."

"Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone."
- C.S. Lewis

"Love—is anterior to Life—
Posterior—to Death—
Initial of Creation, and
The Exponent of Earth—"
- Emily Dickinson

"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
- Henry David Thoreau

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
-Ingrid Bergman (This quote is a personal favorite)

"In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person."
- Margaret Anderson

"Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...
You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-Rose Walker (This is for anyone who's ever had their heart broken.)

And now a few thoughts of my own:
Without love we are nothing. When a human is deprived of the giving and receiving of love it stunts their physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional growth. It is necessary to human survival. To love, and to be loved, is the greatest opportunity in this world and the world to come. Don't take that opportunity for granted.

Nurse Annie Strikes Again

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately on the subject of why I became a nurse. It's been on my mind quite a lot and then I received an anonymous comment on my last blog that really got the wheels turning. The comment went as follows:

Dear Annabelle,

I stumbled upon your blog while sifting through a google search and I wanted to ask you for some advice, if it isnt too much trouble. I love to read, write, and travel but I have been considering joining the field of nursing. Being a nurse, what drew you into the field what direction do you plan to take your career?

Dear anonymous- This is for you:

I've wanted to be a nurse for as long as I can remember. As a child I didn't really know any nurses, but my grandmother was a retired nurse. Like any other child I went through various job-desire phases, but nursing is always what I returned to.

In high school, despite being more drawn to history/english/music classes I took the courses I would need to help me get a good jump on getting into nursing school. Like you, I love to read, write, and travel. For me, however, those were always more hobbies and interests than job options. I felt like if I pursued and english-oriented field I would lose my love for and desire to pursue the subject.

In all honesty, however, my love of reading and writing was my salvation in nursing school. Despite the hands-on qualities of the profession nursing school was made up of a lot of paper writing and textbook reading. This definitely worked to my advantage, however, since those areas are my fortes.

As for the travel aspect, there are lots of travel options available in nursing. There are many travel agencies that are always looking for RN's to join their agency. This is a prospect I have looked into somewhat. Generally they require 2 years of floor nursing experience. The great thing about travel nursing is that generally you work a 36-hour week made up of three 12-hour shifts a week. This leaves a lot of free time for exploring wherever it is that you've been sent to work.

As far as future career options go: I'd really like to be a stay-at-home mom. The flexibility of nursing will allow me to stay at home with my kids (once I finally have some) during the week and work a few night shifts to keep my benefits. It is the ideal profession to work around having a family. This is actually one of the main reasons I chose nursing, in the end.

So, my dear Anonymous, there you have it: my life story as told through the eyes of a nurse. I truly love my profession, love the fact that I get to help people everyday, love that I only work 3 nights a week and I get full-time hours, and I love that it allows me to support myself. Nursing truly is my passion, and I hope I've helped you, if even just a little, to find yours.