Life as I know it

Well, it's been quite the week. On top of many other goings on I seem to have picked up a cold/sinus infection, so if this all sounds random and disjointed I apologize.

I guess I'll start off with the big news first: For anyone who follows my blog you would know from my last post that I was on the verge of losing my first patient. Shortly after I posted he did pass away. He went very peacefully, seemed calm and at ease for the first time in weeks, and the whole thing was a very interesting experience for me. I guess I never really thought about what a spiritual experience death is. I've been present for several births, which is incredibly awe-inspiring, but this was the first time I've been there for a death. For several days after it occured I couldn't help but feel some guilt. Let me elaborate: generally when a patient is placed on hospice or end-of-life care they are given morphine as a comfort measure. It is the nurses responsibility to push the morphine through the IV line. Well, what the average person doesn't know is that morphine also takes away the human body's drive to breathe. Thus, over time and several doses, it is possible to ease your patient into death. Well, my sweet little patient while in the middle of recieving one of said doses of morphine. Enter guilty feeling number 1: Did I kill my patient? Then, as I learned throughout this process, death is a very private, personal, unique event. This man's family was present throughout the final moments of his life. They were by his side. They were fully invested in his end-of-life care. Guilty feeling number 2: I invaded this family's privacy in their final moments with their husband and father.

Now, granted, after having talked the series of events over with various people I feel much better about the whole situation. I've come to the realization that I did not, in fact, kill my patient. I just aided him on a peaceful journey out of this life and into the next. Also, as a nurse, I've learned to be invisible in difficult situations. After he passed it was my responsibility to remove all of the various lines, tubes, etc in his body. I did so quietly, professionally, and then excused myself. Once the mortuary had come to procure the body, the wonderful, grieving widow came out to the nurses desk, gave me a hug, thanked me for being such a wonderful caretaker for her husband, and most of all thanked me for being unobtrusive and virtually invisible at the last moments. This eased my personal burden somewhat. We cried together for a few moments and then she returned to her daughters. Now, a week later, I have mostly come to terms with that night that has forever changed my life.

Onto other things: Greg and I had our housewarming (Or house-swarming as my dad affectionately calls it) on Sunday. It seemed to go pretty well. We had a pretty good turn out, got some fun housewarming gifts, and just had an all-around good time. There will be pictures to follow shortly.

Well, needless to say, after the all-around week from Hell Greg and I needed to have a little fun, so we took a day-trip to Gardner Village and bought some adorable Halloween decorations. They definitely made our condo feel even more like home. Maybe one of these days I'll get used to living in the same city as my family but in a different house.

And the crowning moment of my week: I went shopping with a good friend on Tuesday, because that's what you do when you're down, and I decided I needed a new, hot pair of jeans. Well, we went into the Gap and were looking around and she grabbed a pair, thrust them at me, and said try them on. I told her there was no way they were going to fit, I hadn't worn that size since probably high school. She said, "Don't make me put them on you myself!" So, I wandered back into the dressing room, and lo and behold: they fit! They look super-hot, too. I made the ass-face. I couldn't help it.

Anyway, kids, that's just a brief (okay, lengthy) update on the wonderful world of Annabelle. Look forward to more in the near future.

Much love!