Saturday, August 11, 2007

Musings on Matrimony

I took a friend to the instacare this week. We walked in and stepped up to the desk to speak to the check-in woman. After my friend told her that he wasn't feeling well, etc, she turns to me and asks if I have our insurance cards. I smile sweetly (hard for me to do) while he says, "I have my insurance cards right here." She looks confused for a moment and then it dawns on her that she's just made a wrong assumption: that he and I were married.

Lately, due to experiences like the one recounted above and some experiences in the lives of people close to me, I've been thinking quite a bit about the subject of marriage. I've come to the conclusion that I am utterly terrified of it. I don't think this is normal for a girl of my age, social position, religion, etc. Let's be honest, most of my friends from high school and college have already crossed the great divide into the state of wedded bliss. Several of them have been that way for a few years. I'm happy with my life the way it is. I've got a college degree, a great career, fabulous friends, and the time to experience pretty much anything I want to.

So why do I feel so much pressure to get married?

I know deep down inside it'll come for me, too, someday. I hope by that time I'm ready. I don't deal well with surprises... Or big changes. I only pray that the man who finally wants to settle down with me is patient enough to hold my hand and wait out the storm that's sure to come with a change of that magnitude.

Mostly I just see so many girls my age, and younger even, getting married because they think it'll solve all their problems. I pray everyday that I'm smarter than that. I even know of a few girls that, in my opinion, are getting married because it's what all their friends are doing and they don't want to be left behind. I know I'm smarter than that. I just hope that when the time comes I'm smart enough to get married to the right man for the right reasons.

So what's my point? I don't have one. I just needed to work through some of the clutter in my brain.

Much love!